Fab & Anti-Fab

Once you've got the self-confidence boost of the 'I Am Fabulous' mantra and can repeat it often enough to lift your spirits and your self-worth, the challenge is to be as creative as possible in finding ways to recognise and increase your fabulousness.

Let's assume nothing in life is neutral, so everything is either adding to your fabulousness or taking away from it. This principle is so handy you can even use it when you're shopping - it's the holy grail of fashion decision-making. Just ask yourself: 'does this dress/handbag/pair of shoes enhance my fabulousness or detract from it?'

The Fab and Anti-Fab principle can be applied to every area of your life. Take your friendships, for example, are they enhancing your life and making you feel good about yourself or leaving you drained? How about your family, your lover or your career? We're aiming for total, across-the-board fabulousness here. Reality will bite and things won't always be perfect, but if you don't ask, you don't get. What does real fabulousness look like to you?

We all love a good Hot or Not list, so here's my personal rundown on what's Fab and Anti-Fab:

Fab

Being Yourself - This is always going to be number one. Living an authentic life is the Yellow Brick Road to lasting happiness. Anything less is just striking a pose - and too much like hard work.

Celebrating Your Own Style - Have some chutzpah and dare to be different. There's a reason why they call it fashion victim. It's an offshoot of perfectionism and self-attack, believing that you have to fit someone else's ideal to be acceptable. Besides, it's almost impossible to get right and all too easy to get wrong. Witness Daniella Westbrook head-to-toe in Burberry overkill: I rest my case.

Loving Your Depths and Your Shallows - I am so over feeling conflicted about the search for meaning in life and my love of handbags. They can co-exist happily and they do. No more guilty pleasures for me: just pleasures.

Anti-Fab

Comparing Yourself - There are two levels to this one. Comparing yourself to others and finding yourself wanting is just a well-paved road to insecurity hell and a very bad habit. The other part is feeling superior to others. Fabulousness is about celebrating your uniqueness and helping others to feel great about themselves too.

Doing It The Hard Way - I was the poster girl for workaholism and stress, which was clearly not a pretty sight. Even now I wince at the thought of myself running about like a headless chicken and taking everything so seriously. Learn to take a breath and question if there might be an easier way. Even more importantly, are you clear on why you're doing it? Don't lose sight of who you want to be and the life you want to have.

Sacrificing Who You Are - We all make this mistake sometime. It may be at work, at home or in your love life, but somewhere you're probably sacrificing a part of yourself to fit in with someone else's agenda, opinion or lifestyle. Compromise is an essential part of relating, but when the balance tips into giving so much of yourself away to hold on to something or someone, you know you're in trouble.

OK, enough with the philosophy. Here's the really shallow stuff we all love ...

Fab

The Perfect Handbag - Need I say more? I found the most adorable pink and brown boucle one at Fenn, Wright & Manson the other day. It is an abiding source of joy.

Medium - Patricia Arquette plays a feisty, down-to-earth woman who just happens to see dead people. Buried on late-night BBC1, but worth staying up for.

Frida Kahlo - If you missed the Tate Modern exhibition, you missed a treat. That woman has style. You can still read her story and see some of her artwork at http://www.tate.org.uk/modern/exhibitions/kahlo/

Anti-Fab

Paris Hilton - Would someone please get that woman some genuine self-esteem. Publicity addiction is no replacement for self-worth.

Russian Peasant Chic - Less than one percent of the population is going to look good in that stuff. The rest of us will look like Slavic bag ladies living on a diet of vodka and potatoes, ie a lumpy mess.

Cellulite-Spotting Celeb Mags - Oh, please. Do I even have to explain that one?

For alert emails on new postings, with added inspirations and confidence tips, send a blank email to IAmFabulousCo@aol.com with 'Subscribe' in the title field.

All material © 2005 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author. (Originally posted 23 Nov 05)