You’ve got to admire someone who manages to find a title for their book by recycling a cliché with added profanity – it’s the ultimate in literary laziness. Quite frankly, life probably is too short to find a smartass title for your book, so well done Janet Street-Porter for the marvellously unimpressive title of her latest tome! Dull by name, though, is not necessarily dull by nature. Ms Street-Porter is famously direct of speech and doesn’t stint on her opinions in print either.
Talking about celebs who obsess about their looks and who look “profoundly miserable”, she recounts “I’ve met Madonna a few times and she’s highly intelligent, driven and lacking in humour. They don’t have Christmas at her house, they don’t have presents and she’s banned the children from watching television. Now I think that sounds pretty f***ing cheerless. Every woman in the country, bar Madonna, must sit around at some point in their tracksuit bottoms and a pair of slippers – but she doesn’t look as though she does, does she?”.
Indeed. Not much point in being a global superstar and living miserably, is there? Of course, Janet’s view is only that of an outsider and perhaps Madonna does find great joy in life, but my money’s on Janet. Who wants a rigid, cheerless existence?
She adds “Victoria Beckham, whom I’ve met a few times, is similar – they’ve achieved, want to achieve more and have never achieved enough. Victoria’s obviously decided to exercise and not to eat and the result is that her clothes wear here rather than the other way around. They both need to lighten up a bit – but I do wonder what would make them happy.”
Good old Janet’s making a lot of sense – in her usual forthright manner. It’s the rigidity that’s the problem. To be happy is to be relaxed with yourself, your life and with other people. It’s the opposite of control and rigidity. When you’re happy you can let go of how things ‘should’ be and get comfortable with how things are. That doesn’t mean you don’t have goals or ambitions, but that you learn to go with the flow and take life more easily and less seriously. Some of the best things in life can arise spontaneously, if you make space for them.
For a more laid-back sense of living, letting go of long-held ‘rules’ is the number one priority. These are the ‘life’s too short’ kinds of behaviours that we really need to set aside if we want to create an authentic life. Often these are habits or standards that we’ve assumed from others without ever really considering how important they are to us. The biggest clue that they’re ‘shoulds’ is that they tend to be things we struggle with, that feel like an effort or are standards we think we should live up to.
Socrates said that “an unexamined life is not worth living” – what he didn’t say was how painful it could be to continue to live a life where you don’t examine the values that are driving you. It’s impossible to be happy when you’re living a life that’s driven by other people’s ideas of success or decorum, that’s out of integrity with your own values. Only when you’re living by your own lights can you truly be happy – and that means letting go of all those beliefs and habits that life is really too short to pursue.
In Janet’s world, life is too short to …
Try to be a size zero
Talk to people who are boring
Spend it in the same dreary job
Be a slave to fashion
Have a set of rules you can’t live up to
Spend a fortune on face cream
Be on a permanent diet
Worry whether you’re clutching the latest bag
What would be on your ‘life’s too short’ list? Start with the mundane stuff – it’s liberating to get rid of the day-to-day dross first and then work up to the big stuff like your entire personal value system. Personally, ironing is at the top of my day-to-day ‘life’s too short’ list. I haven’t touched an iron since the early 80s, after a particularly sweaty episode when I was steam-ironing New Romantic frilly shirts in 40 degrees of heat. If it needs ironing, it goes to the dry cleaners. Period. I will never spend a single moment of my life sweating over a shirt again – and that feels good!
Then pay attention to the rules you set for yourself. Do you make commitments you don’t enjoy? Do you sacrifice yourself for others? Do you know when to draw the line at work? Is your schedule more driven by the demands of others than by what you’d prefer to do?
Finally, take a look at what’s really important to you. What are the major beliefs that run your life and are they genuinely of value to you or ideas you’ve taken on from others? What’s your personal definition of success? Are you pursuing a career or a promotion that isn’t actually what you want?
This week, your mantra should be ‘life’s too short to…’ and then just fill in the blanks. Say it when you’re brushing your teeth, when you’re having a coffee or when you’re watching TV. Use every opportunity to examine what you can let go of to create a fabulous, authentic life for yourself.
Click through to the Coach Fabulous advice column by using the link inthe Favourite Sites section on the right or by going to http://coachfabulous.blogspot.com. For alert emails on new postings, email subscribe@iamfabulous.co.uk. To contact me, email coachfabulous@iamfabulous.co.uk. All material © 2008 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author. (Originally posted 14 Jan 08)
Talking about celebs who obsess about their looks and who look “profoundly miserable”, she recounts “I’ve met Madonna a few times and she’s highly intelligent, driven and lacking in humour. They don’t have Christmas at her house, they don’t have presents and she’s banned the children from watching television. Now I think that sounds pretty f***ing cheerless. Every woman in the country, bar Madonna, must sit around at some point in their tracksuit bottoms and a pair of slippers – but she doesn’t look as though she does, does she?”.
Indeed. Not much point in being a global superstar and living miserably, is there? Of course, Janet’s view is only that of an outsider and perhaps Madonna does find great joy in life, but my money’s on Janet. Who wants a rigid, cheerless existence?
She adds “Victoria Beckham, whom I’ve met a few times, is similar – they’ve achieved, want to achieve more and have never achieved enough. Victoria’s obviously decided to exercise and not to eat and the result is that her clothes wear here rather than the other way around. They both need to lighten up a bit – but I do wonder what would make them happy.”
Good old Janet’s making a lot of sense – in her usual forthright manner. It’s the rigidity that’s the problem. To be happy is to be relaxed with yourself, your life and with other people. It’s the opposite of control and rigidity. When you’re happy you can let go of how things ‘should’ be and get comfortable with how things are. That doesn’t mean you don’t have goals or ambitions, but that you learn to go with the flow and take life more easily and less seriously. Some of the best things in life can arise spontaneously, if you make space for them.
For a more laid-back sense of living, letting go of long-held ‘rules’ is the number one priority. These are the ‘life’s too short’ kinds of behaviours that we really need to set aside if we want to create an authentic life. Often these are habits or standards that we’ve assumed from others without ever really considering how important they are to us. The biggest clue that they’re ‘shoulds’ is that they tend to be things we struggle with, that feel like an effort or are standards we think we should live up to.
Socrates said that “an unexamined life is not worth living” – what he didn’t say was how painful it could be to continue to live a life where you don’t examine the values that are driving you. It’s impossible to be happy when you’re living a life that’s driven by other people’s ideas of success or decorum, that’s out of integrity with your own values. Only when you’re living by your own lights can you truly be happy – and that means letting go of all those beliefs and habits that life is really too short to pursue.
In Janet’s world, life is too short to …
Try to be a size zero
Talk to people who are boring
Spend it in the same dreary job
Be a slave to fashion
Have a set of rules you can’t live up to
Spend a fortune on face cream
Be on a permanent diet
Worry whether you’re clutching the latest bag
What would be on your ‘life’s too short’ list? Start with the mundane stuff – it’s liberating to get rid of the day-to-day dross first and then work up to the big stuff like your entire personal value system. Personally, ironing is at the top of my day-to-day ‘life’s too short’ list. I haven’t touched an iron since the early 80s, after a particularly sweaty episode when I was steam-ironing New Romantic frilly shirts in 40 degrees of heat. If it needs ironing, it goes to the dry cleaners. Period. I will never spend a single moment of my life sweating over a shirt again – and that feels good!
Then pay attention to the rules you set for yourself. Do you make commitments you don’t enjoy? Do you sacrifice yourself for others? Do you know when to draw the line at work? Is your schedule more driven by the demands of others than by what you’d prefer to do?
Finally, take a look at what’s really important to you. What are the major beliefs that run your life and are they genuinely of value to you or ideas you’ve taken on from others? What’s your personal definition of success? Are you pursuing a career or a promotion that isn’t actually what you want?
This week, your mantra should be ‘life’s too short to…’ and then just fill in the blanks. Say it when you’re brushing your teeth, when you’re having a coffee or when you’re watching TV. Use every opportunity to examine what you can let go of to create a fabulous, authentic life for yourself.
Click through to the Coach Fabulous advice column by using the link inthe Favourite Sites section on the right or by going to http://coachfabulous.blogspot.com. For alert emails on new postings, email subscribe@iamfabulous.co.uk. To contact me, email coachfabulous@iamfabulous.co.uk. All material © 2008 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author. (Originally posted 14 Jan 08)
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