Putting Out The Fire With Gasoline

It’s taken me a while to work it out, but I’ve finally realised I have been having close encounters with a crazymaker on a daily basis. You’ll recognise what I mean when I tell you that a crazymaker is someone who feeds on negative energy and pulls everyone around them into some kind of drama. For most of us, negative attention is difficult, shaming or at the very least a little unpleasant, but for a crazymaker any kind of attention – even the most negative – is validation. They’re natural emotional firestarters, creating havoc wherever they go.

Bizarrely, a crazymaker will take any straightforward and seemingly easy situation, get everyone worked up about a problem, and then walk back in and act as if it’s all someone else’s fault and they’re the hero. They create turmoil then project all the blame. They feel powerful when they upset the apple cart and get to feed on other people’s negative energy. Like a small child who just wants someone to pay attention, they’re ultimately not fussed if it’s good attention or bad, just so long as it’s focused on them. As Julia Cameron, author of The Artist’s Way, who coined the term ‘crazymaker’ says, “Chaos serves their purposes”.

You might be thinking that their firestarting is all their fault, yet crazymakers do not function in a vacuum – they usually have at least one or more ‘enablers’ around them who are willing to put up with their behaviour. As Julia Cameron describes it, a crazymaker “is surrounded by his tiptoeing enablers all pretending that his outsized ego and its concomitant demands are normal”.
Escaping the powerfully destructive force-field of a crazymaker is not an easy task. They tend to wear down the self-esteem of those around them by creating dramas then blaming the problems on those who try to solve them. A crazymaker will never take responsibility for their own mess and is always looking for someone else to blame. If you want out of this one, the only answer is to get out of the relationship – period. Whether it’s a working relationship or a romantic one, this is an emotional pathology best avoided if you want to retain even the smallest remnant of self-worth.

If you find yourself unable to remove yourself from the circumstance immediately, then at least stop being an enabler. Crazymakers get away with their behaviour because they don’t act logically, so stop trying to figure them out and just start telling the truth about what they do, even if it’s just to yourself. Know that you can’t solve the problems they create, because even if you do, they’ll just go and make another one. Unless you’re the patron saint of lost causes, don’t try and rescue them. Leave them to their own little world of power and control and get on with your own life.

The ultimate solution is simply to walk away. If you can’t do that, then limit your contact. If you’re in a working situation, try to make sure that none of your work is dependent on the crazymaker completing a task. Get smart and see it coming – you know they’re just going to create a mess, so aim for damage limitation.

Real hard-core crazymakers are, thankfully, quite rare, but we are all affected by other people’s unwillingness to take responsibility for their own behaviour. Take a look around you and just tell yourself the truth – is there someone in your life creating chaos because they simply won’t take responsibility for what they’re doing? Or are you not willing to see how something you’re doing is having a negative effect on others?

This week, take responsibility for all your choices and how they impact others. While you’re at it, help those around you to see how their ways of behaving affect you. You can’t change a circumstance unless you’re willing to tell the truth about it. Freedom comes from having the courage to liberate yourself.

Click through to the Coach Fabulous advice column by using the link in the Favourite Sites section on the right or by going to http://coachfabulous.blogspot.com. For alert emails on new postings, email subscribe@iamfabulous.co.uk. To contact me, email coachfabulous@iamfabulous.co.uk. All material © 2007 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author. (Originally posted 28 May 07)