Faux Zen

For a change, let’s start with a bit of Rumi to get you in the mood. This one’s called The Guest House …

This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still treat each guest honourably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight. The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.

In essence, Rumi reminds us that if we really want to live an authentic life, we have to learn to embrace all the diverse parts of ourselves, no matter how unattractive they may seem. Real danger lies in the decision to repress the parts we don’t like – or that are not appreciated by others – and only embrace those we consider worthy. When we do this, we split away from our true self and create a persona of acceptable characteristics that is ultimately unsustainable. It takes an awful lot of energy to maintain that charade. Inevitably, at some point we will end up self-sabotaging, as those suppressed qualities rise up to the surface, creating havoc in our perfect world.

Nowhere is this dynamic more rampant than in the spiritual arena. It’s the home-from-home for people who want to latch on to the light and pretend the dark doesn’t exist. It’s a lot easier to delude yourself that you have no shadow when you’re focused on the light. Yet, the truth will out, and we have seen countless examples of spiritual leaders with feet of clay in recent years. But this isn’t just an issue for those in authority, it’s one for all of us as individuals.
Just recently I’ve seen this tendency in living colour again, watching someone with soi-disant spiritual leanings behaving in a manner that was anything but. It’s what I call faux zen – professing to be spiritual, giving lip-service to having an enlightened awareness, but acting in ways completely out of integrity with those beliefs. It’s so easy to talk the game of higher awareness these days, but so much more difficult to actually live it.

Being able to quote a few new age platitudes is not a sign of depth. Real spirituality shows itself in the way you treat yourself and others. It’s about kindness, integrity and a deep connection to life. Some people find it through organised religion and others carve out their own paths. A genuine sense of the spiritual is humble and all-embracing, allowing others the freedom to find their own way and honouring their choices with a profound respect. You know it when you see it because there’s a humility and vulnerability about people who have that connection – they’re secure in what they believe and above all they’re not trying to play God.

Life is so complex these days, it can come as a relief when we think we’ve found someone with all the answers. Yet unless what we’re seeing is someone who embodies humility, chances are we’ve just met another Wizard of Oz. A grounded person will encourage you to honour your own wisdom, not pull the superiority trick. It’s too easy to give our power away to those who we think have more knowledge or wisdom than we do, but that’s just another pothole on the path. Ultimately, it’s about gaining your own awareness, not parroting received wisdom from someone else.

This week, help yourself along the path to authenticity by embracing whatever comes up for you, however lousy that may feel. If you notice some sadness or a feeling you’d rather avoid, let it be OK. Don’t push it away. Just notice it, feel it and let it pass. Don’t hide from the characteristics in yourself that you find unattractive – if you do, you’ll only project them. Accept that there are times you behave in a less than perfect way. Look for signs of faux zen – where in your life are you pretending to be something you’re not? Do you have people in your life who act like authorities, but who don’t walk their talk in an authentic way? Where might you need to knock someone off their pedestal and take back your power?

Seek the real treasure that the darkness hides, as Debbie Ford addresses in her new book Why Good People Do Bad Things. She recounts “It was my own journey through darkness that helped me build an intimate relationship with my authentic nature. It was not my good self but my evil twin that lead me to heal my emotional wounds and ultimately launched my career … In fact, it was my inability to function well in the world that forced me to strengthen my spiritual connection and learn how to thrive, even after devastation. It is the very darkness that I didn’t want to be or experience that has driven me to become the woman I always longed to be.”

Viva vulnerability!

For the Coach Fabulous archives, go to www.coachfabulous.blogspot.com and for the I Am Fabulous archives, go to www.fabcentral.blogspot.com. You can email me at coachfabulous@iamfabulous.co.uk. All material ©2008 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author. (Originally posted 17 Mar 08)