Top Dog

On one of our regular forays in the search for the perfect carrot cake with a friend the other day, we ran into another acquaintance of hers on the High Road. There’s nothing particularly remarkable about this woman that would, on the surface, justify a strong reaction, yet whenever I meet her I feel uneasy and can’t wait to get out of her presence. I’ve long since learned to pay attention those kind of energetic ‘hits’, because you ignore them at your peril. If your radar is trying to tell you something, the smart option is to listen.

Now I’m not saying that there’s anything particularly amiss with that person, but that she does have the kind of intense, nervous energy that isn’t a good fit for me. That understanding has bubbled up to a conscious level in this case, but we are making vast numbers of unconscious decisions based on energy throughout our day, rarely stopping to comprehend why we like, trust or dislike someone almost at first sight.

We’re not used to talking in energetic terms about human relationships, but Cesar Millan, the ‘dog whisperer’ bases his seemingly magical skill of dealing with problem animals on the energetics of communication. As he says “I’m happy to report that the universal language of Dr Doolittle already exists. And humans didn’t invent it. It’s a language that all animals speak without even knowing it, including the human animal. What’s more, all animals are actually born knowing this language instinctually. Even human beings are born fluent in this universal tongue, but we tend to forget it because we are trained from childhood to believe that words are the only way to communicate. The irony is, even though we don’t think we know the language, we are speaking it all the time. Unknowingly, we are broadcasting in this tongue 24/7! Other species of animals can still understand us, even though we may not have a clue how to understand them. They read us loud and clear, even when we’re unaware that we’re communicating! This truly universal, interspecies language is called energy.”

Describing how the interplay of energy works in a societal sense in his book, Cesar’s Way, Millan goes on to say “When it comes to energy, we humans have much more in common with animals than we usually like to admit. Imagine one of the most ruthless jungles in the human world – the high school cafeteria. Picture it as a watering hole where different species – in this case, the cliques of jocks, nerds and stoners – peacefully intermingle. Then a bully ‘accidentally’ bumps into a smaller guy’s food tray. The energy released by that interaction will ripple right through the room … Let’s say the little guy in the cafeteria is having a bad day. He’s failed two tests in a row and is in a weak state of mind. He happens to look up and accidentally catch the eye of the bully. Maybe the bully was just minding his own business, but as soon as he picks up on the weaker guy’s diminished energy, the whole dynamic between them changes in a split second. In the animal kingdom, that’s called survival of the fittest.”

One of the most striking observations made by Millan is the recognition of the kind of energy we respond to in and demand of our leaders. As in the animal kingdom, leadership energy is recognised as calm and assertive. As he says, “Right or wrong, we in America expect our leaders to project a dominant powerful energy, like that of a Bill Clinton or a Ronald Reagan. Some powerful leaders project a charismatic energy that infects and energises everyone around them – consider Tony Robbins. Martin Luther King Jr projected an energy that was what I call ‘calm assertive’ – the ideal energy for a leader.”

If you watch his television show, you’ll see Millan gaining instant respect and obedience from even the most troubled of dogs by projecting that kind of leadership energy. From my own leadership experience, I've found that challenges to your authority tend to come on the days when you’re feeling less confident in yourself and rarely arise when you feel comfortable in your role as leader. Calm, assertive energy instils confidence in others, so everyone relaxes.

Leader or not, start paying attention to the kind of energy you’re projecting. Notice if your energy is fractious or stressed and see what kind of effect that has on those around you. Particularly notice what happens when you’re around your friends, work colleagues or family – whose energy do you most respond to and how would you describe it? If you’re aiming for promotion, remember that calm, assertive energy is a universal leadership style – looking frazzled may give others the signal that you’re very busy, but it won’t make them feel confident that you can cope. A cool, calm and collected energy is the one to cultivate. Let’s all play at being top dog this week!

Click through to the Coach Fabulous advice column by using the link in the Favourite Sites section on the right or by going to http://coachfabulous.blogspot.com. For alert emails on new postings, email subscribe@iamfabulous.co.uk. To contact me, email coachfabulous@iamfabulous.co.uk. All material © 2007 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author. (Originally posted 10 Sep 07)