Time To Retreat

If everything in our lives shows up for a reason, then the surgery has definitely made an appearance to teach me the fine art of rest. Despite being a born lounge lizard who can loll about doing absolutely nothing without even the faintest tinge of guilt, as soon as I’m required to be inactive I can’t wait to get up and about. It’s an utterly perverse affliction that is never worse than on long-haul flights, where I insist on having an aisle seat simply to preserve the sanity of my seat companions, who would be driven to distraction by my jack-in-the-box antics if they had to get up and down as many times as I do. This is coming from a person who can flop out on the couch endlessly for a movie marathon or sit transfixed by the box set of 24 for more hours than I care to mention, which is why it’s such a curious behavioural quirk.

The knee thing has been a similar kind of challenge. I find myself trying to live life as normally as possible, with little or no concession to my current lack of mobility or even the exhaustion which is to be expected so soon after surgery. While that may be an admirable aspiration, it’s hardly practical – or self-nurturing. What’s kicked in is the old workaholic habit of trying to soldier on regardless, when in truth the most effective thing I could do for myself right now is allow my body to heal properly. Having allowed myself a short period of restfulness and peace, the driven part of me is at it again already, creating an internal pressure to ‘do something’. This is such a Western malaise – we worship at the altar of productivity, so as soon as we’re indisposed, our sense of worth is challenged, hence the drive to return to activity as soon as possible.

So, the prescription for me right now is to turn down the volume on that particular bit of learned behaviour and listen to the call for deeper rest. Nothing good ever comes from pushing yourself beyond your natural limits. It’s true that we need to move outside our comfort zones and to challenge what we think our limits are at times, but there are also plenty of instances where it’s blindingly obvious that our natural limits are there to protect us - and this is one of them.

Given the daily pressure of the productivity work ethic, it’s quite easy to get to the point where you’re way overdue for a rest or retreat, but fail to read the signals. Sometimes it’s recurring bouts of minor illnesses that give you the clue, other times it’s a feeling of overwhelm or exhaustion that won’t seem to go away, or even just a yearning to get out of the city and see some greenery. However it shows up in your life, it’s important to pay attention to this call to replenish the well.

As Jennifer Louden, author of The Woman’s Retreat Book, says, “The call to retreat is your signal to go. You've been in the doing cycle of your life long enough (way too long, you may be muttering). It is time to turn within. Can you hear the call? It may be very distant and weak at first but it is there. It may be a small voice begging you to attend to your inner life. It may be images of nourishing moments in nature. It may be a snatch of a poem or song. Take a moment to sit quietly. Right now. Make no effort to do anything. Only breathe slowly and deeply and listen.”

In modern life we’re very adept at activity, but much less proficient at listening – to our inner selves, our passion, our creativity or even our physical bodies. There’s so much going on, that just getting everything done is a challenge and we become accustomed to suppressing our innermost desires – or our need to replenish our reserves – in order to stick to a schedule or just get things done. When this becomes a regular occurrence, it develops the insidious habit of disconnection from our intuition, our passion and our purpose.

When the still, small voice can’t be heard over the clamour of day-to-day life, then some form of retreat is required. It might be enough to take a day out or a weekend away to restore your spirit, but a deeper disassociation from self will require more time and distance to fully relax and reconnect.

This week, prevention is better than the cure. Take a few moments of quiet to reflect on where you might pushing yourself to be productive, when rest is actually what’s called for. Are you ignoring an underlying feeling of exhaustion? Have you lost a sense of perspective on where your life’s headed? Is it time for a re-think and a refocus? Have you lost your sense of passion and purpose?

If any (or all) of the above apply, start by building in moments of peacefulness and rest where you can. Get out in nature, even if it’s only for a brief walk. Make sure you take a proper lunch-hour – getting away from your desk is vital if you want to replenish your energy. Find peaceful places – libraries and bookstores are easy examples to find – and sit quietly. As soon as you can, make plans to get away. A change of scenery will alter your habitual ways of thinking, allowing the voice of your inner wisdom some space to enter.

If you can’t get away, try creating your own retreat at home. Take the phone off the hook, ban the TV and plan a gentle balance between rest and activities that refresh the spirit, like visiting a gallery, indulging in a pampering massage or trying a gentle exercise class like yoga or pilates. The aim is to do different things that promote a sense of stillness or inspiration, or to do nothing at all. Either approach is equally valid, so choose what you feel you need the most right now.

Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is nothing at all.

Click through to the Coach Fabulous advice column by using the link in the Favourite Sites section on the right or by going to http://coachfabulous.blogspot.com. For alert emails on new postings, email subscribe@iamfabulous.co.uk. All material © 2006 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author. (Originally posted 27 Nov 06)