Having just talked yet another person down off the ceiling, the issue of clarity and discernment is uppermost in my mind. When the world is a scary place to you, the tension is palpable and stress is making your voice rise to a pitch that only dogs can hear, call me old-fashioned, but I don’t call that a great time to make a decision.
This year is shaping up to be a bit of a challenging one for a lot of people, calling for some smart and savvy discrimination in how choices are made. That’s not to say it won’t be an easier ride for others, but even if the heavens are shining on you, you still need to be picking the options that are best for you, rather than going along for the ride.
So, for the record, here are a few pointers to enhance your decision-making prowess:
Don’t Panic
You may recall that these words were inscribed in large and friendly letters on the cover of the Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Universe – just because it’s a work of fiction doesn’t mean it’s not true. No good can ever come of panicky energy, because it’s based on fear. When you’re fearful, it’s nigh on impossible to get in touch with your inner guidance and logic goes out the window as well. Not exactly an ideal scenario, is it? If you’re in panic mode, then you need to do whatever it takes to calm yourself down and change the groove of your thinking. You need to interrupt the pattern so you can approach the question again with a clear head.
Relax
So, your head’s in a spin, you’ve got a huge decision to make and you haven’t got a clue what to do – do you really think getting stressed about it is going to help the situation? The only way out of that spiral is to do something that gets physical – getting you out of your head and into your body. Walk, swim, exercise, get a massage, lie on a beach if you have time, but don’t try to cure the problem with more thinking – your best thinking got you here. If you’re under time pressure, just get outside and walk around the block, taking a few deep breaths along the way, or sit in the park at lunchtime. Getting out in nature, particularly by water, is very calming. Even in urban environments you can find fountains, rivers, parks or day spas that have very zen-like energy to give you a swift relax and re-charge.
Stay In The Present Moment
Most of the unnecessary drama in our lives could be removed just by observing the tenet to ‘be here now’. It’s that simple. When our minds are in the past, we’re usually either regretting something good now lost to us or reliving some past difficulty. When we focus on what’s to come, we have a tendency to awfulise, projectecting our current difficulties way out into the future. Both of these past and future obsessions bring enormous stress to the present day and make it extremely difficult to make wise choices. The past will not necessarily repeat itself, nor is the future certain to be a replica of current experience, so why entrap yourself in this type of thinking?
Open Your Mind
When you’re uptight about which direction to choose, it’s usually because you think you’re in an ‘either or’ situation and there’s no other option. That’s exactly when you need an open mind. Get creative and start finding other ways to think about the question. Talk to an inspiring friend, get a coach, use creativity techniques like A Whack On The Side Of The Head cards, get online or talk to others to research new options – do anything that gets you out of ricocheting between two choices. There is always another way, but you usually can’t find it either because you don’t think you have a right to ask for it or you simply haven’t opened your mind to the possibility.
Feel Into The Options
When your mind isn’t a reliable source of guidance, due to the mental spin factor, then the best way to get insight is via your feelings. Make sure you’ve done the relaxation bit first, though, or the only feelings you’ll be getting in touch with are ones of panic and fear. When you’re in a more laid-back mode, sit quietly, close your eyes and imagine the first choice ahead of you like a road. How does it feel to you to follow that road? Let your imagination give you images or a sense of how that might be. Pay attention to the sensations in your body as you visualise taking that path. Then do the same for all the other options. You should be able to get a clear sense of which choice feels better to you, as long as you remember to stay with how it feels to you rather than what you think about it.
Know Nothing Is Forever
What paralyses us most when it comes to making decisions is assuming they’re always irrevocable. When you really think about it, there are very few things in life that last forever and your decisions definitely aren’t cast in stone. These days there’s very little that can’t be undone if you really need to – for example, changing jobs is no big deal if you’ve misjudged a career choice. Sometimes it’s going far enough in the wrong direction that gives us the impetus to jump tracks to the right way, so staying flexible to what comes up for you in life is a very useful skill. If you’re completely stuck and just can’t make a decision, at times the best thing you can do is just take action. Not making a decision just keeps you stuck. At least doing something will shift the energy. When you know it’s not forever, you’re not afraid to jump.
This week, take a look at where you’re finding it difficult to make a decision about a particular direction, an opportunity, a relationship or a work issue. Use a combination of any or all the techniques, but do them in sequence. Jumping ahead without creating a calm foundation will affect the clarity of your insights and your ultimate decision. When you’ve made your decision, add a little magic by visualising success for yourself in whatever you’ve chosen. That’ll help it to become the fabulous turning point you wish it to be.
Now, I know it’s Valentine’s Day this week, so as a special treat, here’s a link some of the most direct (and occasionally profane) dating advice you’ll ever get, from Greg Behrendt, consultant on Sex & The City and author of He’s Just Not That Into You and It’s Called A Breakup Because It’s Broken. In the Ask Greg video section of his home page at http://www.gregbehrendt.com/ you’ll find all the sage relationship advice you’ll ever need – with a hefty reality check as a bonus. Happy V-Day, everyone!
Click through to the Coach Fabulous advice column by using the link inthe Favourite Sites section on the rightor by going to http://coachfabulous.blogspot.com/. For alert emails on new postings, email subscribe@iamfabulous.co.uk. To contact me, email mailto:coachfabulous@iamfabulous.co.uk.All. All material © 2008 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author. (Originally posted 11 Feb 08)
This year is shaping up to be a bit of a challenging one for a lot of people, calling for some smart and savvy discrimination in how choices are made. That’s not to say it won’t be an easier ride for others, but even if the heavens are shining on you, you still need to be picking the options that are best for you, rather than going along for the ride.
So, for the record, here are a few pointers to enhance your decision-making prowess:
Don’t Panic
You may recall that these words were inscribed in large and friendly letters on the cover of the Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Universe – just because it’s a work of fiction doesn’t mean it’s not true. No good can ever come of panicky energy, because it’s based on fear. When you’re fearful, it’s nigh on impossible to get in touch with your inner guidance and logic goes out the window as well. Not exactly an ideal scenario, is it? If you’re in panic mode, then you need to do whatever it takes to calm yourself down and change the groove of your thinking. You need to interrupt the pattern so you can approach the question again with a clear head.
Relax
So, your head’s in a spin, you’ve got a huge decision to make and you haven’t got a clue what to do – do you really think getting stressed about it is going to help the situation? The only way out of that spiral is to do something that gets physical – getting you out of your head and into your body. Walk, swim, exercise, get a massage, lie on a beach if you have time, but don’t try to cure the problem with more thinking – your best thinking got you here. If you’re under time pressure, just get outside and walk around the block, taking a few deep breaths along the way, or sit in the park at lunchtime. Getting out in nature, particularly by water, is very calming. Even in urban environments you can find fountains, rivers, parks or day spas that have very zen-like energy to give you a swift relax and re-charge.
Stay In The Present Moment
Most of the unnecessary drama in our lives could be removed just by observing the tenet to ‘be here now’. It’s that simple. When our minds are in the past, we’re usually either regretting something good now lost to us or reliving some past difficulty. When we focus on what’s to come, we have a tendency to awfulise, projectecting our current difficulties way out into the future. Both of these past and future obsessions bring enormous stress to the present day and make it extremely difficult to make wise choices. The past will not necessarily repeat itself, nor is the future certain to be a replica of current experience, so why entrap yourself in this type of thinking?
Open Your Mind
When you’re uptight about which direction to choose, it’s usually because you think you’re in an ‘either or’ situation and there’s no other option. That’s exactly when you need an open mind. Get creative and start finding other ways to think about the question. Talk to an inspiring friend, get a coach, use creativity techniques like A Whack On The Side Of The Head cards, get online or talk to others to research new options – do anything that gets you out of ricocheting between two choices. There is always another way, but you usually can’t find it either because you don’t think you have a right to ask for it or you simply haven’t opened your mind to the possibility.
Feel Into The Options
When your mind isn’t a reliable source of guidance, due to the mental spin factor, then the best way to get insight is via your feelings. Make sure you’ve done the relaxation bit first, though, or the only feelings you’ll be getting in touch with are ones of panic and fear. When you’re in a more laid-back mode, sit quietly, close your eyes and imagine the first choice ahead of you like a road. How does it feel to you to follow that road? Let your imagination give you images or a sense of how that might be. Pay attention to the sensations in your body as you visualise taking that path. Then do the same for all the other options. You should be able to get a clear sense of which choice feels better to you, as long as you remember to stay with how it feels to you rather than what you think about it.
Know Nothing Is Forever
What paralyses us most when it comes to making decisions is assuming they’re always irrevocable. When you really think about it, there are very few things in life that last forever and your decisions definitely aren’t cast in stone. These days there’s very little that can’t be undone if you really need to – for example, changing jobs is no big deal if you’ve misjudged a career choice. Sometimes it’s going far enough in the wrong direction that gives us the impetus to jump tracks to the right way, so staying flexible to what comes up for you in life is a very useful skill. If you’re completely stuck and just can’t make a decision, at times the best thing you can do is just take action. Not making a decision just keeps you stuck. At least doing something will shift the energy. When you know it’s not forever, you’re not afraid to jump.
This week, take a look at where you’re finding it difficult to make a decision about a particular direction, an opportunity, a relationship or a work issue. Use a combination of any or all the techniques, but do them in sequence. Jumping ahead without creating a calm foundation will affect the clarity of your insights and your ultimate decision. When you’ve made your decision, add a little magic by visualising success for yourself in whatever you’ve chosen. That’ll help it to become the fabulous turning point you wish it to be.
Now, I know it’s Valentine’s Day this week, so as a special treat, here’s a link some of the most direct (and occasionally profane) dating advice you’ll ever get, from Greg Behrendt, consultant on Sex & The City and author of He’s Just Not That Into You and It’s Called A Breakup Because It’s Broken. In the Ask Greg video section of his home page at http://www.gregbehrendt.com/ you’ll find all the sage relationship advice you’ll ever need – with a hefty reality check as a bonus. Happy V-Day, everyone!
Click through to the Coach Fabulous advice column by using the link inthe Favourite Sites section on the rightor by going to http://coachfabulous.blogspot.com/. For alert emails on new postings, email subscribe@iamfabulous.co.uk. To contact me, email mailto:coachfabulous@iamfabulous.co.uk.All. All material © 2008 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author. (Originally posted 11 Feb 08)
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