This one’s been percolating in my mind for a few weeks. It was only just a passing comment by someone at a party, but for some reason the way it was phrased rang alarm bells like Big Ben on acid. Along with the general chit-chat that goes with the canapés, we were discussing the meaning of life, the universe and everything when my cocktail companion said “I’m just trying to find what will make me happy”.
That probably doesn’t sound like a lot to you, but what rang clear and loud to me was just how fundamentally that concept is flawed. So its outcome, like the fruit of the poisoned tree, must be doomed to failure. If you’re on a quest to find your happiness, the underlying assumption is that the answer exists outside yourself, as something to be found in the world. Equally, if you need to search for your happiness, then something must be wrong with you and, again, the cure is expected to come from an external source. Both of these assumptions force you into a position of helplessness, of being at the mercy of unhappiness until the remedy is found. They’re ultimately very self-destructive, because they imply that who we are is not enough, that we’re damaged goods and that only something that arises from outside of us can save us.
That probably doesn’t sound like a lot to you, but what rang clear and loud to me was just how fundamentally that concept is flawed. So its outcome, like the fruit of the poisoned tree, must be doomed to failure. If you’re on a quest to find your happiness, the underlying assumption is that the answer exists outside yourself, as something to be found in the world. Equally, if you need to search for your happiness, then something must be wrong with you and, again, the cure is expected to come from an external source. Both of these assumptions force you into a position of helplessness, of being at the mercy of unhappiness until the remedy is found. They’re ultimately very self-destructive, because they imply that who we are is not enough, that we’re damaged goods and that only something that arises from outside of us can save us.
This is a classically Western psychological malaise that is at odds with Eastern spiritual perspectives. In the Dzogchen Tibetan lineage, as described by Lama Surya Das, we are already whole and complete and life is our journey back to that awareness. He says “Dzogchen means the innate great completeness. It points to our own innate wholeness, our own true Buddha nature, our untrammelled spirit, perfect and pure from the beginningless beginning. It is what we call the Buddha within – not an oriental Buddha, not an historical Buddha, not one of stone, not male or female, but the Buddha nature within each of us, true and wise, loving and compassionate. We want to come back to that, awaken it, cultivate it – that is what the path is about. We don't get it from outside, from someone or somewhere else, or even from our own ideas of what we are. The Havajra Tantra says we are all Buddhas by nature but must, through our own spiritual work, awaken to ourselves.”
In Dzogchen, as indeed in the Christian-inspired teachings of A Course In Miracles, who we are at essence is loving, peaceful and joyful. What stands in the way of knowing the truth about ourselves are the illusions we carry about who we are and how we see the world. Our lack of self-worth and the belief that a change of circumstances will make us happy drive us into the outer world to seek a fulfilment that paradoxically cannot ultimately be found there, because it is already within. That’s not to say that you won’t have fun with the shoes and the cars and the holidays along the way, just that these are incidental to true happiness, not the actual cause of it.
As you’re probably aware by now, I’m hardly an advocate of the ascetic lifestyle. In fact, if shopping were an Olympic sport, let’s just say I’d have a fine little collection of gold medallions. What I have come to know, though, is that collecting stuff is entertainment, not the main event. It’s like indulging in a serious sugar hit – you know you’re going to get a temporary lift in energy, but after that it’ll leave you feeling even more like you’re running on empty than before. What’s required for sustained energy is something a little more substantial and that applies equally to the art of happiness.
When you discover that wellspring of joy, peace and fulfilment within, then the outer stuff is still fun, but it’s not what drives your life. The focus then becomes on how to live in alignment with who you really are and life can become an experiment in creativity, of finding ways in which to express yourself, rather than a treasure hunt for an external form of happiness. Everything can become a form of joyful exploration, instead of desperate pursuit.
As a Zen Buddhist text puts it, “The person who is a master in the art of living makes little distinction between their work and their play, their labour and their leisure, their mind and their body, their education and their recreation, their love and their religion. They hardly know which is which. They simply pursue their vision of excellence and grace in whatever they do, leaving others to decide whether they are working or playing. To them, they are always doing both.”
This joyful vision of a life lived in integrity with the true self has much in common with the views expressed by two figures who were totally polarised in their religious beliefs – or lack of them: the deeply spiritual Mahatma Gandhi and the existentialist writer, Albert Camus. For Gandhi, “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” Camus wrote “But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads”. Clearly no religious belief is required, but a sense of integrity between the self and the way that life is lived is essential.
This week, spend a little quiet time so that you can pay attention to what arises from within you that makes you happy. It can be as simple as just being peaceful for a few minutes or stopping long enough to let a creative idea pop up in your normally over-occupied mind. Take a look at how well your life reflects your values. We tend to think that our purpose in life is a job, but it's actually the totatlity of how we live. Where are you in alignment with what you value and where are you way out of whack? What are you doing that you feel uncomfortable about? If something feels unfulfilling to you, what's missing? If it feels right, what about it is in alignment with who you are? What qualities are the people around you expressing and how well does that sit with you?
The key to becoming aware of your own essence of completeness and joy is to know yourself and to live in alignment with what is true for you. Happiness is an inside job and that’s always going to be impossible to achieve without some good old-fashioned introspection. I’ll give the philosopher, Aristotle, the final word on this one. As he put it, “To live happily is an inward power of the soul”. If you want real happiness, it’s time to drop the outer search and start looking on the inside. Know your happiness – don’t try to find it!
Click through to the Coach Fabulous advice column by using the link in the Favourite Sites section on the right or by going to http://coachfabulous.blogspot.com. For alert emails on new postings, email subscribe@iamfabulous.co.uk. To contact me, email coachfabulous@iamfabulous.co.uk. All material © 2007 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author. (Originally posted 19 Feb 07)
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