Cultural references are fascinating. Just when I think we’re all sharing the same reference pool thanks to global communications, something rolls around to remind me that we all have our own stories. As you probably know, whenever I need a bit of downtime you’ll find me trawling through the star-studded frocky horrors on http://www.gofugyourself.com/, which occasionally includes the sartorial slips of male celebrities as well.
Today’s fug comes to us courtesy of the MTV Australia Awards, where Wyclef Jean appeared wearing some curious plastic headgear that the Fug Girls quite rightly slammed. Unfortunately they failed to realise that he was paying homage to the famous Australian bushranger, Ned Kelly, who wore homemade armour – thereby laying claim to an early Derelicte range a la Zoolander – to protect him in his chosen line of work. While Wyclef wasn’t exactly rocking bushranger chic, at least knowing the reference makes appearing in public like that vaguely understandable, rather than certain grounds for sectioning to the nearest mental health clinic.
Just having that cultural reference meant that a story lay behind what seemed like a straightforward fashion faux pas, imbuing it with meaning. OK it was still a bizarre outfit, but at least it had a story behind it! The point is that stories are embedded in our lives and they will resurface when we least expect them. We are the sum of all the stories we have absorbed and believed to be true.
Through story we share experience, learn new skills, express emotion and connect with others. Christine Baldwin, author of Storycatcher, reminds us that “It is only in the past 50 years, and only in industrialised countries, that we have turned to machines, instead of each other, as the primary sources of entertainment and education. Most of human history people have sat around the fire, sat around the kitchen table, sat around the front porch and offered ourselves and our ordinary insights to each other. We’ve talked and listened, laughed and cried, and passed along incredible amounts of information about our families, traditions, beliefs, skills at problem solving, and resiliency, all buried in story.”
We’re still doing that, but in ways that are less personal – every time we experience music or a film with a friend, we’re sharing stories. If we’re blogging, we’re story-telling, but to an unknown audience. But it’s the personal stories that matter the most – the ones we tell ourselves every day. When they’re good ones, they have a positive effect, making us feel more confident in ourselves. When we re-tell negative stories, however, we erode our self-confidence and limit our possibilities.
Self-awareness brings us the freedom to let go of our old stories and create new ones that serve us. We set ourselves free from the prison of our own beliefs about ourselves when we create new stories, opening up to infinite possibility. One of the great Indian sages, Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj, said of this kind of non-attached awareness “Freedom from self-identification with a set of memories and habits, the state of wonder at the infinite reaches of the being, its inexhaustible creativity and total transcendence, the absolute fearlessness born from the realisation of the illusoriness and transiency of every mode of consciousness, flow from a deep and inexhaustible source. To know the source as source and appearance as appearance, and oneself as the source only is self-realisation.”
To the sage, when we learn to dis-identify with appearance and story, then we can become who we truly are. What makes this incredibly difficult is the amount of emotion attached to the stories we hold to be true about ourselves – the ones where we’ve been betrayed, failed or suffered loss, as well as the ones where we’re loved, successful and happy. When the story is a sad one, we can hold on to the story to reinforce something negative about ourselves that we believe or to hold blame against another. Even seemingly positive stories can have a shadow if we use them to reinforce an identity that is inauthentic, for example success stories in a career that we don’t actually want to pursue can keep us locked in the holding pattern of living up to other people’s ideals.
This week, let’s do a story audit on your life. What kind of stories do you tell yourself on a daily basis? Is the balance generally positive or is it tipping over into the negative more often than not? What’s one story or belief about yourself that you could let go of that would make an immediate difference? To help you out with that one, look for stories that prove that you’re no good at something or that you can’t have what you want. Dig out the unhelpful tales to make space for ones that uplift you. Now ferret around for positive stories that illustrate how you’ve overcome obstacles in the past, been a success or simply had good luck. Write them down so you’ll have those positive memories to hand when you have a bad day. Share them with friends when they need a little uplifting too. Stories are powerful motivators, so make sure yours are fabulous ones.
Today’s fug comes to us courtesy of the MTV Australia Awards, where Wyclef Jean appeared wearing some curious plastic headgear that the Fug Girls quite rightly slammed. Unfortunately they failed to realise that he was paying homage to the famous Australian bushranger, Ned Kelly, who wore homemade armour – thereby laying claim to an early Derelicte range a la Zoolander – to protect him in his chosen line of work. While Wyclef wasn’t exactly rocking bushranger chic, at least knowing the reference makes appearing in public like that vaguely understandable, rather than certain grounds for sectioning to the nearest mental health clinic.
Just having that cultural reference meant that a story lay behind what seemed like a straightforward fashion faux pas, imbuing it with meaning. OK it was still a bizarre outfit, but at least it had a story behind it! The point is that stories are embedded in our lives and they will resurface when we least expect them. We are the sum of all the stories we have absorbed and believed to be true.
Through story we share experience, learn new skills, express emotion and connect with others. Christine Baldwin, author of Storycatcher, reminds us that “It is only in the past 50 years, and only in industrialised countries, that we have turned to machines, instead of each other, as the primary sources of entertainment and education. Most of human history people have sat around the fire, sat around the kitchen table, sat around the front porch and offered ourselves and our ordinary insights to each other. We’ve talked and listened, laughed and cried, and passed along incredible amounts of information about our families, traditions, beliefs, skills at problem solving, and resiliency, all buried in story.”
We’re still doing that, but in ways that are less personal – every time we experience music or a film with a friend, we’re sharing stories. If we’re blogging, we’re story-telling, but to an unknown audience. But it’s the personal stories that matter the most – the ones we tell ourselves every day. When they’re good ones, they have a positive effect, making us feel more confident in ourselves. When we re-tell negative stories, however, we erode our self-confidence and limit our possibilities.
Self-awareness brings us the freedom to let go of our old stories and create new ones that serve us. We set ourselves free from the prison of our own beliefs about ourselves when we create new stories, opening up to infinite possibility. One of the great Indian sages, Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj, said of this kind of non-attached awareness “Freedom from self-identification with a set of memories and habits, the state of wonder at the infinite reaches of the being, its inexhaustible creativity and total transcendence, the absolute fearlessness born from the realisation of the illusoriness and transiency of every mode of consciousness, flow from a deep and inexhaustible source. To know the source as source and appearance as appearance, and oneself as the source only is self-realisation.”
To the sage, when we learn to dis-identify with appearance and story, then we can become who we truly are. What makes this incredibly difficult is the amount of emotion attached to the stories we hold to be true about ourselves – the ones where we’ve been betrayed, failed or suffered loss, as well as the ones where we’re loved, successful and happy. When the story is a sad one, we can hold on to the story to reinforce something negative about ourselves that we believe or to hold blame against another. Even seemingly positive stories can have a shadow if we use them to reinforce an identity that is inauthentic, for example success stories in a career that we don’t actually want to pursue can keep us locked in the holding pattern of living up to other people’s ideals.
This week, let’s do a story audit on your life. What kind of stories do you tell yourself on a daily basis? Is the balance generally positive or is it tipping over into the negative more often than not? What’s one story or belief about yourself that you could let go of that would make an immediate difference? To help you out with that one, look for stories that prove that you’re no good at something or that you can’t have what you want. Dig out the unhelpful tales to make space for ones that uplift you. Now ferret around for positive stories that illustrate how you’ve overcome obstacles in the past, been a success or simply had good luck. Write them down so you’ll have those positive memories to hand when you have a bad day. Share them with friends when they need a little uplifting too. Stories are powerful motivators, so make sure yours are fabulous ones.
For the Coach Fabulous archives, go to www.coachfabulous.blogspot.com and for the I Am Fabulous archives, go to www.fabcentral.blogspot.com. You can email me at coachfabulous@iamfabulous.co.uk. All material ©2008 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author. (Originally posted 21 Apr 08)
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