Eat Me

Life here in Fab Towers has taken on a gentler pace over the last few days, due to a resurgence of sciatica – literally a pain in the arse. It’s not exactly the most fun I’ve ever had in bed, but if life incapacitates you, I have learned that you might as well enjoy the ride rather than try to fight it. After indulging in the classic tacky TV free-for-all, watching the kind of junk that is oh so satisfying when you’re feeling under the weather, the enforced rest has given me the opportunity to savour a gem of a book about love, sex and the art of eating, called Eat Me.

Its food-savvy author, Alexandra Antonioni, weaves together real life stories and wisdom about dating and mating with fabulous recipes for each stage of a romance, from first flirtation to final curtain. Her own personal insights are definitely worth the read, but for I Am Fab purposes, there’s real mileage in the collective wisdom she has gathered while researching the attraction stage.

Discussing what men look for when seeking a long-term partner, she recounts “The kind of women they want to date take good care of themselves and how they look, but apparently it is not about having the perfect body or looking like the models in the fashion mags (airbrushed within an inch of their skinny, cellulite-free, digitally-enhanced, irritating selves), it is about confidence. If you look good, you will feel good, ergo you will be upbeat, friendly and approachable. If you make no effort with yourself, why should anyone make an effort with you? So it’s not about being a perfect 10, it’s about being the best that you possibly can be, no matter what you weigh, how old you are or how much money you have.”

Exactly. And what’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. That’s what we go for in guys too – someone who’s relaxed and happy with themselves. Confidence is an aphrodisiac. As Sophia Loren put it, “Sex appeal is 50 per cent what you’ve got and 50 percent what people think you’ve got”.

Acceptance is the issue here. If you spend your time worrying that you don’t look like someone else – particularly the aforementioned irritating, airbrushed models – you’ll never learn to make the best of what you have. When you can value your own particular brand of beauty, you’ll have the kind of confidence that is unshakeable. That means learning to love your quirks, play up your assets and play down the rest. It means knowing that what you have to offer is far more than just how you look – it’s how you can make someone feel; how fascinating or charming your presence can be.

Let’s try an asset audit this week. What are the top three attractions you have in looks, temperament and talents? Is it humour, humility or heartfelt empathy that’s your primary asset? What would your friends say they love about you? If you don’t know, ask around. Check with a good friend – preferably one whose style you admire – to see what he or she would love to see you wear. Maybe you’ll get some new style ideas and see your body through kinder eyes than your own.

The French have way of describing relaxed confidence as someone who seems ‘bien dans sa peau’ – literally good in their skin. You cannot be truly confident until you love the skin you’re in – and everything that goes with it. Knowledge is power, so start paying attention to what really works for you and start working it, baby!

Click through to the Coach Fabulous advice column by using the link in the Favourite Sites section on the right or by going to http://coachfabulous.blogspot.com. For alert emails on new postings, email subscribe@iamfabulous.co.uk. To contact me, email coachfabulous@iamfabulous.co.uk. All material © 2007 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author. (Originally posted 17 Sep 07)