The Joy Habit

If you know me, you’ll probably be aware that whenever I can’t sleep I listen to the online radio spiritual talkshows I’ve downloaded to my iPod – it doesn’t require getting out of bed, doesn’t overstimulate the brain and generally you learn something new. That seems like a good deal to me – maximum gain for minimum effort! I love the inspiration I get from those programmes and every now and then something will set off a train of thought that ends up on the pages of I Am Fabulous. This time it was a single sentence about manifestation by Doreen Virtue, saying that in order to attract a particular circumstance, the caller would have to be “on the frequency of joy”.

If there’s one space that very few of us manage to hang out in on a regular basis, it’s got to be the frequency of joy. It’s almost sacrilege to answer ‘fabulous’ if someone asks you how you are or to wander around looking too perky, lest someone may attempt to wipe the smile off your face toute de suite. We’re not a culture that does joy particularly well.

However, that’s a habit that needs to be broken. If we want to draw opportunities to us, rather than struggle to make them happen, creating a new emotional habit of joy is what’s needed. Now, you’re probably not going to go from a mediocre level of enthusiasm for life to a high-octane one in a single leap, but here are a few clues on how to up the ante on your emotional level and make that stretch towards joy – and ultimately towards attracting what you most desire into your life. The universe has a way of mirroring your own attitude, so it’s a pretty safe bet that feeling good about yourself and life is going to bring you more of the same.

Do What Appeals To You

You’d think it would be a no-brainer, but we tie ourselves up in knots trying to fulfil other people’s expectations or do what we think is the right thing, rather than doing what we intrinsically feel is right for us. Alan Cohen, author of Joy Is My Compass, tells a great story about inviting his 8 year-old god-daughter to his ordination in Hawaii. When he explained what the ceremony would entail, she responded with disarming honesty “I don’t think I’ll be there. I’ll be bored.” OK, so you don’t have to be that blunt, but admit it – I’ll bet that’s something you’ve been dying to say on many an occasion. Next time you feel like that, turn down the invitation. Turning up and being miserable won’t do anyone any favours.

Don’t Speak For Your Limitations

How often do we put more energy into talking ourselves out of something we want to do than talking ourselves into it? Next time you feel really drawn to something and keep coming up with reasons why you can’t do it, put more energy into finding the reasons why you can do it. It’s amazing what you’ll be able to make happen when you stop filling your head with self-imposed limitations and start having some faith in yourself and your own creativity.

Make Everything A Choice

No word is more depressing than ‘should’. There’s absolutely no joy in feeling that you ‘should’ do something and there’s nothing uplifting in feeling that you ‘have to’ do it. Try this trick to shift you out of burden and responsibility and into more joy – no matter what it is, if you genuinely need to go through with it more from obligation than inspiration, then at least decide to choose it. If you’re stuck in a dead-end job, stop focusing on everything you hate about it and remind yourself that you’re choosing this because it pays the bills until your creative work begins to pay for itself or because it’s teaching you a new quality or refining a skill. Get the Pollyanna vibe going and choose what you’re faced with – it’ll make you feel more empowered and when you feel that way you’ll be more likely to take the steps that will get you out of there.

Live Your Passion

Again, a no-brainer. Unless, of course, you’re so divorced from your own joy that you don’t even remember what your passion is. Luckily, there’s a little more wisdom from Alan Cohen on the subject, in response to the question ‘What do you do if you have no passion for anything in particular?’. He replied, “You have just been trained from a young age to live in ways that are socially appropriate, to the extent that you forgot who you were when you were in touch with your passion. A good way to get back in the flow is to notice how everything you do feels. Does it light you up or shut you down. You have to be impeccably honest about this, especially with yourself. Then begin to engage more in the activities that make you feel warm and fulfilled, and let go of activities that leave you feeling cold or empty … As you build your skill of staying in touch with your true desires and living from then, you will start to feel more and more alive and also sense where your life force guides you at any moment. When you are honest and real about the little day-to-day decisions (which are really not so little) you get connected to your overall sense of passion about life and your purpose here.”

Follow Your Intuition

No matter how odd it may seem to be. Really. You have no idea where you might end up. I have plenty of stories to uphold that one – paying attention to inner promptings has brought me many serendipitous encounters, leading to new friends, work opportunities and fresh inspiration. I’ve learned that if there’s a strong pull to do something – even if I can’t work out why – the smart move is to just do it, knowing that the purpose will eventually reveal itself. It’s less of a leap of faith these days, rather than a sense of trust that acting on strong intuitive impulses is always well-rewarded.

Take Pleasure In Small Things

The more you put your attention into appreciating the small joys that make themselves known to you every day, the more likely you are to attract the bigger joys to you. It’s the attitude of gratitude that does it. If joy is a frequency, then keeping your attention on the joys in your life – however small – will attract more of the same, as you’re already resonating to that quality. Keep your focus on appreciation for what you have. That will lead you to the next step, which is …

Have A Positive Expectation

When you appreciate what’s already shown up, you’re more likely to hold a positive expectation for what you’d like to draw into your life. Focusing on lack is not a joyful attitude. Creatively focusing on how good it would feel to have what you desire is a vibrational match for the frequency of joy.

You can use any and all of these techniques to build the habit of joy. Drop the habit of collecting evidence as to why things won’t work out and start creating a life where they will. As Alan Cohen says, “To grow, you must be willing to let your present and future be totally unlike your past. Your history is not your destiny.”

For the Coach Fabulous archives, go to www.coachfabulous.blogspot.com and for the I Am Fabulous archives, go to www.fabcentral.blogspot.com. You can email me at coachfabulous@iamfabulous.co.uk. All material ©2008 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author. (Originally posted 24 Mar 08)