Spiritual Power

Power is such a dirty word. We don’t seem to have a positive cultural image of power, as most of our associations with it tend to centre around control or corruption, yet we are engaged in power plays every single day of our lives. A lot of the people I’ve spoken with this week are experiencing various forms of power struggles at work and in relationships and, of course, on a collective scale we are going through one hell of a power struggle in the Middle East. On an individual level – as uncomfortable as this may be – if you want to become captain of your ship and master of your own destiny, then you have to come to terms with your relationship to power and authority.

Women can struggle with this more than most. As so much of our communication style is based on creating relationships, issues of authority and power can be a real challenge. That’s not to say that power is the exclusive province of men, but they do have a bit of a historical headstart on this one and a cultural bias towards seeming naturally authoritative. As the leading commentator on male/female conversational styles, Deborah Tannen, notes in Talking From 9 to 5: Men and Women at Work, there is a minefield of difficulties inherent in differing communication styles and these impact hugely on perceptions of power. She says “Men whose oppositional strategies are interpreted literally may be seen to be hostile when they are not, and their efforts to ensure that they avoid appearing one-down may be taken as arrogance. When women use conversational strategies designed to avoid appearing boastful and to take the other person’s feelings into account, they may be seen as less confident and competent than they really are.”

Ay, there’s the rub. All that girlie niceness just doesn’t cut it in the power stakes. Yet, some thirty years of feminism – and a tedious foray into the embarrassment that was girl power – surely can’t mean we’re still meant to behave like male clones just to be heard in the world? Thank God – and Gloria Steinem – that those days are gone, but we do need to redefine power in a more spiritual and feminine way. And that power is one of self-assurance and attraction, rather than control and manipulation. Interestingly enough, the examples that I’m going to use of those who’ve demonstrated this power are both men, but what they have in common is a strong attunement to their creativity and the ‘feminine’ (but not exclusively female) ability to be receptive to spiritual inspiration.

A few years ago I was publicising one of the designer Paco Rabanne’s books, and ended up in his Paris atelier on the eve of one of the haute couture shows. It’s a no-brainer to work out that the atmosphere should have been so frantic and stressed-out that I’d have needed a tranquiliser just to enter the room, but he was totally calm and his studio was simply a happy little hive of activity, rather than the fashionista edition of Dante’s vision of hell. When he was being interviewed by journalists, he simply told his story – which was a rather controversial memoir of his past lives – with an effortless openness. He felt no need for defensiveness. If they accepted his story, great, if not, that was their choice. One by one, they were all charmed. Standing in his own truth and self-acceptance, he was a quiet, yet enormously powerful and charismatic figure.

That simple, unthreatened and unthreatening sense of power reminded me of seeing the singer Donovan in concert, way back in the seventies. Glam rock was in its heyday and shows were as loud, glitzy and tacky as they could possibly get. Understatement was a forgotten art. Against the tide of all this mega-performance mayhem, Donovan walked silently out onto an empty stage, sat cross-legged on a cushion and played acoustic guitar. Nothing else – just him. And the audience was spellbound. That, my friends, is real power in action.

What they both have in common and demonstrated in spades was total self-acceptance and a level of comfort with their own authority that most of us can barely dream of. They show us the power of attraction versus control, a definition of power that has a naturally feminine feel. Rather than needing to engage in a fight or struggle, any opposition simply melted away in the face of that level of conviction and personal authority.

So how do you use this in your own life, rather than on the stage or on the page? Perhaps the best piece of advice I could give you comes from the promotional poster for the film The Godfather Part III, where the tagline ran “Real power cannot be given. It must be taken.” Whoever wrote that one was a genius, because it’s an absolute truth. Not in the sense that you need to come over all Mafiosi, but that no-one can invest a power in you that you are not willing to accept for yourself. If you’re waiting for someone else to shore up your sense of authority then you are coming from a powerless position. Until you accept the power of your own wisdom and talents, then no-one else is going to do it for you.

If you’re coming from a place of power that needs to exert control over others, then that’s a brittle and ultimately weak position. Spiritual power comes from an awareness of self and compassion for others. People of real power and authority don’t need to control circumstances or other people, knowing that defencelessness is the ultimate safety. If you’re comfortable with who you are and are not concerned with how you’re perceived, you’re not vulnerable to attack, even if it occurs, as your self-worth isn’t based on outside approval.

The poster-boy for this kind of effortless effectiveness must be Ghandi. After all, he turned the tables on an empire and changed the course of history with total non-violence and most of the time he did it lying down. Now that’s what I call style!

This week, take a look at your own definition of power. Is it tied up with controlling people or circumstances? What would it take for you to let that go? What would it take for you to believe in yourself enough to be comfortable with just being you? If a power struggle arises, take a deep breath and stand firmly in your truth. Don’t let anyone bully you and don’t try to browbeat anyone else either. If you’re strong in your power, you can afford to be generous and do the gracious thing. Where in your life might you need to claim your own power and stand up for what you believe in? Think of some role models for a feminine or more spiritual form of power that you’ve come across in your own life. What are the qualities in those people that you most admire? How could you begin to embody those qualities in your daily life?

Spiritual power isn’t a game where one person wins and another loses. As the comedienne, Lily Tomlin, has so aptly pointed out, “The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat”. In the new paradigm of power, win-win is possible because we all get to be who we truly are, without compromising ourselves or diminishing the power of another. The power of a person on purpose and in tune with themselves is a glorious thing to behold and a huge gift to the planet. The world doesn’t need any more shrinking violets – it needs everything you have to offer. How about letting that fabulous, powerful self of yours out to play?

Coach Fabulous is updated every Thursday at http://coachfabulous.blogspot.com. You can also use the link in the Favourite Sites section on the right. For alert emails on new postings, send a blank email to IAmFabulousCo@aol.com with 'Subscribe' in the title field.All material © 2006 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author. (Originally posted 7 Aug 06)