Orange County

Rainy bank holiday weekends tend to bring on movie marathons in my house and this one was no exception. Out of the vaults came a few old favourites and, as we huddled under the blankets, I found inspiration yet again in the magic of movie redemption.

Orange County is a sweet little independent film from a few years ago, with a fabulous cast, a great soundtrack and a smart and sassy script. Colin Hanks’ character is desperate to get away from his dysfunctional family (alcoholic drama queen mother, absent self-absorbed father and drugged-out dropout brother) to go to Stanford University and become a writer under the tutelage of a famous author and college professor. His ghastly family unwittingly sabotage every attempt he makes to escape them, leading him to total despair until he realises that under their horrendous behaviour lie deep bonds of love. As the college professor says, “Every good writer has a conflicted relationship with the place he grew up.” From this realisation he sees that he doesn’t need to get out of Orange County to become a writer, but that it is exactly the right place to fuel his creativity, warts and all.

A similar theme arises in The Alchemist by Paolo Coelho, subtitled ‘a fable about following your dream’. In it, a young Andalucian shepherd, Santiago, has a recurring dream that he will find treasure beneath the pyramids. He sets off on a journey which takes him through encounters with kings, alchemists, gypsies and desert seers, until he returns home and finds the treasure awaiting him at the point where he began the journey. Along the way, the alchemist tells him “What you still need to know is this: before a dream is realised, the Soul of the World tests everything that was learned along the way. It does this not because it is evil, but so that we can, in addition to realising our dreams, master the lessons we’ve learned as we’ve moved toward that dream. That’s the point at which most people give up. It’s the point at which, as we say in the language of the desert, one ‘dies of thirst just when the palm trees have appeared on the horizon’. Every search begins with beginner’s luck. And every search ends with the victor’s being severely tested.”

While the Orange County and Alchemist characters both find their treasure at home, after a quest that sees them overcoming seemingly insurmountable obstacles, the journey is never wasted. They needed the perspective of distance and new experiences to see what was valuable in what they already had.

So much of our lives can be future-oriented, chasing the things and the people we think will make us happy, so much so that our happiness can become permanently deferred to a ‘someday’ that we never reach. The journeys these characters have made leave us clues for finding peace, joy and inspiration where we already are.

Like most people, I continue to struggle on a daily basis with acceptance of the circumstances of my life, exactly as they are. A part of me is so deeply unwilling to accept the way things are that it can only go down fighting, never in peaceful surrender. Yet the desire to control outcomes and always wish for something else other than what you’re faced with is a fast-track hiding to nothing and a sure destroyer of inner peace.

Acceptance doesn’t mean giving up or giving in – it just means understanding that those are the circumstances you’re currently dealing with, and learning to be happy whether or not things are going your way. It’s a more inner-directed way of being, putting more emphasis on your choice to be happy regardless of the outer events in your life.

On a deeper level, it can take you to a place where even the most difficult circumstances can hold gifts for you that you can come to appreciate when you’re willing to change your perspective. Crisis can be powerfully transformative, pushing you to make changes you’ve long known were necessary, but have avoided, or simply open you up to possibilities you’d never imagined. If you can have faith in a deeper purpose to life, then life can reveal its deeper purpose to you. On this point, I defer to the wisdom of Albert Einstein, who said “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."

This week’s self-enquiry is going to test exactly how willing you are to accept where you are right now and if you can learn to see gifts in even the most difficult circumstances.
For starters, take a look at your dysfunctional family. Pretty much everybody has one. In true Orange County mode, what if the things that drove you completely mad about them were the perfect environment to bring out some extraordinary strengths and talents in you? What grew stronger in you as a result of growing up in your particular family?

Then look at a crisis you’ve been through recently or even a few years ago. We’re developing your ‘seeing the deeper purpose’ muscles right now, so make sure it’s something you’ve already come through, so that you have some distance and perspective. What was it that you learned? What talents, strengths, or support network did you develop as a result of it? How did it change you as a person – what qualities have strengthened in you?

Now let’s look at what’s right in front of you, right here, right now. Can you have faith in there being a purpose to this, even if you don’t know what it is yet? Can you drop your worries, your struggle with it, your desperate need to find a solution and just let it be OK? Can you put that issue aside and find a little peace, a reason to be happy or something to be grateful for?

No matter what is going on in your life, it is possible to make a conscious choice to set it aside and put your focus on being happy now. That doesn’t mean not taking action to change the circumstances, but it does mean not dwelling on problems you cannot currently change. Use the power of perspective to see that you’ve overcome difficulties before and that they hold hidden meaning. Trust that you’ll find that meaning in your own good time and, in the meantime, don’t poison the good things in your life with worry. Give yourself the gift of an inner-directed life, where peacefulness and happiness are an act of choice.

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All material © 2006 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author. (Originally posted 29 May 06)