I Like That About Me

There’s nothing like a great movie line to hit you right between the eyes with an unmistakeable truth or the perfect comeback. As subscribers to the alert emails will know, an enduring favourite is delivered by Diane Keaton, when she’s getting squiffy in a Parisian bar with her two suitors in Something’s Gotta Give. One of them comments “The woman is really very brilliant, but she cannot hold her liquor”. She just laughs and says “I like that about me”.

That response is show-stoppingly sassy, completely disarming and totally fabulous. It’s an ideal complement to the ‘I Am Fabulous’ mantra and one that you can use whenever you perceive even the slightest whiff of criticism heading your way – from within or without. In recent interviews, both the feminist writer Naomi Wolf and the actress Eva Longoria have demonstrated this tactic by refusing to voice self-criticism about themselves or their bodies. Let’s hope it’s a growing trend.

“I like that about me” is also the underlying theme for a selection of books to amuse and inspire you as you get on with the business of having a fabulous life. In the spirit of that film scene, the I Am Fab Top 10 Book List had its genesis in a champagne-fuelled evening with friends at Soho House. The challenge to narrow down my embarrassingly huge collection of self-development and inspirational books to a slim-fit set of only ten fab classics was too much fun to ignore.

Let’s face it, getting out on the town is fab, but curling up at home on a winter’s evening with a good book – preferably with something furry on or at your feet – is bliss. All the I Am Fab recommendations are tried and tested personal favourites, but this is a non-competitive Top 10, so none are better than others, just different. There are some wonderful stories in the list, some great laughs and a few books that will really touch you. Some will help you to get clear on your purpose or turbo-charge your life but they all carry the spirit of that movie quote, reminding you that who you are is fabulous and if you can relax and enjoy that, so will everyone else. None of them will be an embarrassment to be seen reading on the Tube and none of them are heavy-going. They might be meaningful, but they’re never dull. That’s what’s so fabulous about them.

· I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What That Was by Barbara Sher. This one’s packed to the brim with exercises to blast away the fog shrouding your sense of purpose in life and techniques for creating your dreams. Curiously, when I pulled this one off the shelf, out fell a card from an old boyfriend, which said “I love you - and I quite like you too! (heaven help me)”. Spooky!
· Something More by Sarah Ban Breathnach. The simple, short essays on “excavating your authentic self” are a thought-provoking and gentle read. Discussing Sylvia Plath and self-loathing, she writes “I find it heartbreaking and infuriating that, no matter how accomplished women may be, we continue to see ourselves in the diminished distortion of another’s view of us.” Her other books include Simple Abundance and Romancing the Ordinary.
· Letting Go Of The Person You Used To Be by Lama Surya Das. An American-born spiritual teacher in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition, Surya Das writes engagingly for a Western audience with deep Eastern insight. Recalling a sticker on a female office worker’s mouse pad which read ‘Let go or get dragged’, he writes, “I find myself remembering that little mouse and smiling every time I do. That is one wise woman.” His other books include Awakening to the Sacred and Awakening to the Buddha Within.
· A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson. This is a year-in, year-out favourite, as regular readers will recognise. It’s also the home of the quote most often attributed to Nelson Mandela, as he used it in his inauguration speech. It’s the one that starts “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? … ” Marianne’s other books include A Woman’s Worth, Enchanted Love and The Gift of Change and – for her sins – she was also the presiding minister for Elizabeth Taylor’s last marriage.
· The Dance by Oriah Mountain Dreamer. Her books are full of stories of personal experience and insights on an authentic life, as well as meditations. “When we believe that we are by our very nature deeply flawed – self-indulgent, selfish, judgmental, sinful – our efforts to fulfil our soul’s longing to live fully become efforts to control, chastise, reshape, improve and change ourselves,” she says, noting “Given this belief, we use methods that do not cultivate mercy and compassion for ourselves, but rather foster a hardness toward our own suffering and the suffering of others who are failing to curb or rise above their basic nature.” Her other books include The Invitation and The Call.
· Living with Joy by Sanaya Roman. There is so much truth in this simple book that every time I read it I find something new in it. There’s a whole chapter on the art of self-love, which includes these wise words: “When you feel strong and in charge of yourself, you can come from the heart. When you feel lacking in control you may feel you must manipulate or engage in power struggles to get what you want. You may think you have to make excuses for your behaviour or tell white lies to protect other people’s feelings. When you act this way you are not loving to yourself; instead you give your subconscious a message that who you are is not enough or acceptable to other people.” Other books in the series include Personal Power Through Awareness, Spiritual Growth and Creating Money.
· Boundless Love by Miranda Holden. You’ll have seen a quote from her before if you’ve been an I Am Fab follower for a while. She’s a good friend of mine, but her book makes the list totally on merit. You’ll find stories and exercises on spiritual detox, opening to inspiration and alchemical prayer. “Spiritually we are totally perfect right now, yet mentally and emotionally we are all works in progress,” she writes, adding “The problem is not in the existence of our limitations and ego attachments, but our guilt and judgement around our humanness. Our ego tells us that we should be perfect, and then attacks us for falling short.”
· Take Time For Your Life by Cheryl Richardson. Ironically, in my worst period of workaholism I carried this book around on business trips for a year before I got around to reading it! There’s some straightforward wisdom and an abundance of practical tips here from one of America’s foremost life coaches. According to Cheryl, “Most of us are trained to live from the neck up … But living in your head keeps you disconnected from how you feel – the key to honouring your self-care … You’re more apt to push your priorities aside for the demands of others by doing what you think you should be doing instead of what you feel like doing. You’ll know you’re doing this when you find yourself saying yes to a request and then later wishing you had said no.”
· My Grandfather’s Blessings by Rachel Naomi Remen. I was totally charmed by this collection of inspirational stories, particularly the tales of her grandfather, who was a scholar of Kabbalah, the mystical teachings of Judaism. In one story he tells her the meaning of the Hebrew toast, L’Chaim, which is To Life. She remembers, “He told me that L’Chaim meant that no matter what difficulty life brings, no matter how hard or painful or unfair life is, life is holy and worthy of celebration. ‘Even the wine is sweet to remind us that life itself is a blessing.’”
· He’s Just Not Into You by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tucillo. You know I can never be serious for too long, so I’ve saved the giggles for the end. Billed as ‘the no-excuses truth to understanding guys’, the snappy dialogue from two Sex & The City writers will gleefully strip away any illusions you’ve had about male behaviour and any excuses you’ve made for it. As Liz says, “All those years I’d been complaining about men and their mixed messages; now I saw they weren’t mixed messages at all … because the fact was, these men had simply not been that into me … Greg reminded us that we were all beautiful, smart, funny women and we shouldn’t be wasting our time figuring out why a guy isn’t calling us. As Greg put it, we shouldn’t waste the pretty.”

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All material © 2006 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author. (Originally posted 16 Jan 06)