Charm School

We all love a list, particularly when it comes to fashion and personal style, so it was fascination central to see the results of the Style Icons of the Past 50 Years magazine survey this week. To be included in such illustrious company, you’d expect virtual gods and goddesses of charisma and personal style, yet both the male and female lists were a curious mix of the truly great and the famous for being famous breed. Quel dommage!

In the women’s list, many were the timeless figures you’d imagine any list would be incomplete without – Marilyn Monroe, Audrey Hepburn and Grace Kelly of course – and yet others were unfathomably accorded a status far exceeding their influence. As it is, I can barely grasp the concept that some people might find Victoria Beckham a fashion victim par excellence. However, to find her not only present on a list of the major style icons of the past half a century, but ranked higher than Sophia Loren is as bizarre as it is ludicrous.

The men’s list is equally strange. First of all it’s topped by David Beckham, ahead of Cary Grant, Elvis Presley and David Bowie. Then it ranks Robbie Williams further up the list than Marlon Brando, John Travolta and Sean Connery. He may be a great singer, but he’s hardly made a contribution on the style front. It’s difficult to imagine what a Robbie Williams ‘look’ might be, apart from a shedload of Maori tattoos or the occasional indulgence in some Kiss-style make-up. Quite how the Robster cuts it in the style icon stakes is beyond me – surely the Saturday Night Fever white suit had a lot more cultural impact, however ghastly it may have been. Of course style is by definition such a personal, individual thing that none of us would – or should – ever agree wholeheartedly on that kind of list, but what the genuine icons seem to have that the others are sadly lacking is a veritable supernova of personal charm. Charismatic people seem to radiate their own internal light just that bit brighter than others. They have an effortless grace that is truly individual, making them unforgettable. The great icons are all remembered long after their heyday, not only because they could light up a room, but because the power of their personal style had a lingering impact.

In a sense, that has very little to do with fashion, because it’s not really about the clothes, but the attitude with which they wear them. Marilyn Monroe could have stopped traffic dressed in a burlap sack and Cary Grant managed to keep us all swooning even in a dress in I Was A Male War Bride – which does rather make David Beckham’s sarong look a little tame! There’s a very intriguing story about Marilyn Monroe that underscores this perfectly. One afternoon she was in New York, incognito, with an old friend, who was surprised by how easily she could pass unnoticed in public, even on the subway. Mischievously, Marilyn asked ‘Do you want to see her?’. She simply fluffed up her hair, took off her coat, became Marilyn Monroe and seconds later she was mobbed. Megawatt iconic style is a state of mind, not just the state of your wardrobe.

That kind of confidence, charm and grace does not come from being a stick – Marilyn was notoriously a voluptuous size 16 – nor from slavishly following the dictates of fashion. What’s sad about style these days is that it tends to be a sausage-machine of predictable generic looks and sizes, and only a very few individuals seem to emerge with any discernible distinctive personal cachet. Thank God for fashion aberrations like Nicole Kidman, who makes pale look interesting or Johnny Depp, whose quirky style clearly works for him, even if it’s not something that many others could successfully carry off.

Charisma is such a magical gift, made even more special by the fact that it comes in so many guises. Much of Bill Clinton’s fame came from his legendary charm, which was often attributed to his ability to focus his attention on you so powerfully that he could make you feel you were the only person in the room. A grande dame of the British theatre is equally well-known for having a way of making you feel as though you’re enormously attractive when in her presence. Another much-celebrated writer is famed for having the exquisite skill of making you feel as though you’re terribly intelligent when in her company. What they all have in common is that their charm comes from taking a genuine interest in others, not just themselves. Truly confident people are so relaxed with who they are that they have no need to be self-obsessed or self-conscious.

How do you apply that in your own life and amp up your charm to mega-watt status? The short answer would be to accept who you are, be totally comfortable with it and take an interest in other people. Back to where we began, my distaste for the style of Victoria Beckham is that she comes across as curiously devoid of character. Her media persona is rather like an x-ray – utterly lacking in life and passion, beyond the self-absorption of remaining in the spotlight. Self-obsession is a deeply uncharismatic trait, which is why thoughtfulness and kindness in others is such an attractive quality. Obsession with the self is a type of energetic black hole, offering nothing to others and often stealing energy and attention, whereas the radiance of charismatic charm adds a little sparkle to whomever it touches.

This week, let’s all go to charm school. Let’s just decide to take ourselves and life lightly, and be as charming and thoughtful as we can be. Decide what your charm super-power is and turn it up to the max. Do you naturally make people feel comfortable, welcome or attractive? Does your interest in them make them feel witty or smart? Does your way with a compliment uplift them and help them feel great about their own unique gifts? Whatever your particular charm skill is, spread a little charismatic fairy dust this week and notice in turn just how happy and confident that makes you feel. Take a leaf out of Marilyn’s book and let the world see just how fabulous you can be ...

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All material © 2006 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author. (Originally posted 25 Sep 06)