Bad Luck Streak In Dancing School

Today’s title comes to you courtesy of the king of bizarre song titles, the much-missed singer/songwriter, Warren Zevon. He also brought us the catchy classic, Werewolves of London, with lyrics that included such surreal masterstrokes as “I saw a werewolf drinking a piña colada at Trader Vic’s – and his hair was perfect.” Wouldn’t you just have loved an insight into that wild and crazy mind? Sadly Warren is no longer with us, but at least he left us a legacy of dark and mordant humour to be getting on with, including his parting wisdom on facing death – “Enjoy every sandwich”.

Being a major fan of black humour, the way my life is currently panning out is bound to be giving me material for years. Sometimes things just don’t work out the way you want them to. And sometimes that seems to go on forever. That’s about where it is for me, as I experience my very own bad luck streak in dancing school. There’s a gorgeous line from the Sufi poet Hafiz, which says ‘you can come to God dressed for dancing or you can be carried on a stretcher to God’s ward’. If I were God I’d be calling for a gurney right about now, because the dancing shoes are conspicuously absent.

The same not-so-pleasant experience keeps cropping up so often, I feel like I’m trapped in the lead role of a remake of Groundhog Day. As you’ve no doubt noticed by now, to a writer absolutely anything is material for a column, so I figured I’d work this one out on the page and hopefully provide you with a few clues for dealing with your own little recurring nightmares while I was at it.

So, what do I do to get myself out of a particularly nasty funk? Well, first of all I have a major sulk, rather like Harry Enfield’s grumpy teenage character Kevin, with a fair bit of foot-stamping and a lot of sighing that ‘it’s not fair’. No audience is required for this one as it’s totally done for the pure satisfaction of feeling hard done by and not for effect. Personally, I highly recommend this phase for getting out feelings of frustration. There’s just no point in pretending everything’s OK when it’s clearly not even remotely that way. I wouldn’t advocate a full-scale tantrum a la the notorious Nikki from this summer’s Big Brother, but a good old-fashioned sulk can do you the power of good.

Because this particular issue is a bit of a humdinger, I’m mindful of the words of Albert Einstein, who said “No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.” I have to accept that my best thinking got me here, so it’s unlikely to provide any material for a useful solution unless I’m willing to open up my mind to new options. This is where it can be invaluable to ask for advice and feedback from people whose opinion you respect and who have encountered similar difficulties. Just be a little careful when seeking counsel from others. Ultimately no-one can or should make a decision for you, and your own inner wisdom is what needs to be the driver in your life, not the good opinion of others.

Equally, this is the time to turn the tables on your own beliefs and make some internal enquiries, like ‘What would I have to believe for this to occur in my life?’ or ‘If this was happening to teach me something, what would it be?’. You can also try imagining what advice you would give to someone else if they told you the same story. When we can separate the events from the emotional intensity of our own involvement, then we create space for insight and inspiration to enter.

Sometimes just these couple of steps are enough to clear the fog and we can move on, clearer and lighter. Sometimes we need to take a wrecking ball to the way we’ve constructed our lives and move into uncharted waters. I’m getting the impression that’s what it’s about for me at the minute – time to get back to basics and allow what needs to rise up to the surface to appear. If that’s the case, then racing into action without contemplation is often the worst mistake we can make. If you want to perpetuate a problem, just keep busy throwing time and energy at it without any real thought – it’s a surefire way to put out the fire with gasoline.

We’re creative beings, so there’s never going to be a point in our lives where there isn’t a need to break free of the structures we’ve created for ourselves. That’s why it’s only fun for a nano-second when we achieve something or start something new. As soon as it begins to settle into a routine, we’re already looking for a new creative challenge, but often won’t admit that to ourselves. This is the human dilemma – we don’t like change, but we get bored when we don’t have it. Therefore we’re constantly trying to find a groove somewhere between the extremes of stagnancy and constant reinvention that will give us enough change to keep us stimulated and enough consistency to let us feel secure. We’re all control freaks to some degree, just trying to find that happy medium that will feel safe enough and still be interesting.

When a recurring issue rears its ugly head, then it usually means that whatever needs to be healed, learned or completed has not yet been realised or needs to be revisited at a deeper level. You may have had the experience, but the lesson hasn’t been learned or there’s a greater depth or gift from it that hasn’t dawned on you yet. This seems to be what’s going on for me – I’m having the experience, but I’m a bit of a slow learner when it comes to finding the hidden gifts. I have to trust that they’re there, because they always are, and find a new way of thinking that will allow them to reveal themselves.

Curiously, almost immediately as I’ve begun this process of self-enquiry, synchronistic events have already started to occur. Suddenly I’m making the kinds of connections that have eluded me and opportunities are opening up that would never have occurred to me. That’s serendipity in action. Lots of spiritual writers have commented on this phenomenon – when you shift your own internal awareness, things start happening in the outside world. As William James wrote, “The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes of mind.”
This week you have both my permission and encouragement to tackle the niggling issues in your life by starting out with a gloriously self-indulgent sulk. Then wipe the slate clean and turn the problem on its head. How could you look at it differently? Whose advice or guidance could you seek? Notice what you’re making the circumstances mean about yourself and your life and make up a different story instead. Have some fun with this – life is surreal at the best of times and even your craziest ideas might hold some insight, so don’t dismiss them out of hand. If your problem is a doozy, consider the possibility of totally re-envisioning your life. Maybe something radical is being called for – be open to new possibilities.

This isn’t just a modern problem. Even way back in the twelfth century, the Chinese poet Wu Ming Fu was writing about the courage to embrace new horizons. If you could use some ancient inspiration to open up your doors of perception, take his words to heart:

The seed that is to grow must lose itself as seed, and they that creep may graduate through chrysalis to wings.

Wilt thou then, O mortal, cling to husks which falsely seem to you the self?

Coach Fabulous is updated every Thursday at http://coachfabulous.blogspot.com. You can also use the link in the Favourite Sites section on the right. For alert emails on new postings, email subscribe@iamfabulous.co.uk. All material © 2006 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author. (Originally posted 11 Sep 06)