Feed Your Spirit

This is the 100th I Am Fab, so it’s probably a good time to revisit some basics. Right now I’m noticing quite a few people around me who are suffering from various forms of burnout. For some it’s just a low-level exhaustion that never seems to lift and others are failing to pay attention to the universe’s not-so-subtle attempts to get them to slow down. Here’s a clue – if you’ve got an illness or an injury, chances are you need to rest. It’s not an invitation to do as much as usual or even more!

Not only do we fail to pick up on the messages from our body along the way, even when we’re incapacitated we just can’t seem to grasp the concept that life is telling us to put our feet up for a while. There is nothing admirable about dragging yourself around, trying to keep up a gung-ho schedule when you’re meant to be taking care of yourself. We seem to have lost the art of acceptance when it comes to slowing down the pace of life and taking time out for ourselves.

We all need a balance between external activity and relaxation, and that balance is very personal. Some of us who are more extrovert find that our energy is restored by spending time with friends, yet others may find that they only truly relax on their own. It’s up to each of us to discover what replenishes our energy and to make sure that we create opportunities to take advantage of that.

There’s a pervasive belief that ‘good’ people are always giving, but the truth of the matter is that it’s not sustainable. You need to give to yourself, to fill up at the well of your own replenishment, in order to have anything left to give to others. It’s not a selfish act to take care of yourself – ultimately, it does no good to anyone to exhaust yourself and make yourself ill.

The real trick is learning to catch burnout before it rears its ugly head. When you’re in a cycle of doing everything for others and nothing for yourself, it’s easy to believe that there’s no time for anything else, especially doing what you love. That kind of manic, driven behaviour is precisely what creates a miserable life and potentially injury and illness. When we do things out of duty and sacrifice, we suck the joy out of life and end up just going through the motions.

Taking a little time out each day to feed your spirit by doing the small things that lift your mood will restore a sense of peace and make you feel connected to your purpose, ensuring that you stay energised and inspired. A poor sense of self-worth will tell you that you need to fulfil your obligations to others first, or that you don’t deserve to take time for yourself. To build a healthy self-esteem – and steer clear of burnout – you need to learn to treat yourself as well as you treat others. When you honour yourself, you are giving a clear signal to yourself and others that you value yourself and you deserve to be treated well. The more you do this, the more those self-defeating and self-destructive driven behaviours will fall away – and the happier and healthier you will be.

If you’ve already overdone it, learn to accept where you are right now. Pushing through it won’t help. If you need to slow down, then do it – and do it gracefully. Don’t sit about feeling miserable about the enforced rest. Use the time in a positive way, reading books you’ve meant to read for ages, using the time for creative pursuits or thinking deeply about where you really want your life to be heading.

This week, check the balance between activities that are outward-focusing and those that restore your energy or bring you inner peace. If it’s all for others and your schedule is jammed, start building in mini-breaks during the day to do whatever it takes to feel you’ve carved out some time for yourself. Take a walk, phone a friend, go out for lunch instead of sitting at your desk, look for a new class to sign up for, rent a movie or get a manicure. Pay attention to what helps you relieve stress: meditation, exercise, fresh air, painting, dancing, going to new places – the list is endless, so explore the ones that work for you.

We’re hunkering down for the autumn now, so this time of year is perfect to explore new hobbies and to remind yourself of your ‘someday’ list of things you’ve always wanted to do. Just make a start by trying something different and you’ll be amazed at how much better you’ll feel.
Oh, and if I Am Fab has made a difference in your life during these last hundred chronicles, drop me a line and let me know. It would be fabulous to hear your stories.

Click through to the Coach Fabulous advice column by using the link in the Favourite Sites section on the right or by going to http://coachfabulous.blogspot.com. For alert emails on new postings, email subscribe@iamfabulous.co.uk. To contact me, email coachfabulous@iamfabulous.co.uk. All material © 2007 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author. (Originally posted 24 Sep 07)

Inner Worlds

In a week where I’ve found myself more than a little challenged to keep a grip on my inner peace, a couple of things have come along to provide some upliftment for those bad hair days of the soul. Firstly, mindful of the question of environment and the effect it has on our mood and behaviour, I’ve indulged in the seasonal no-holds-barred chuck-out generally known as spring cleaning and am proudly sitting in a tidy office, free of the usual clutter. My heaving wardrobes have had the same treatment, so the local charity shop is about to benefit from a load of designer cast-offs that I just can’t justify hanging on to any more. That’s the design fault implicit in buying good stuff – you tend to keep it longer because it cost so damn much in the first place. Mind you, it’s a bit of a paradox because classics have an enduring appeal and can still look good years later, but at some point you just have to bite the bullet and let them go. Now, before you begin to think I’m becoming extremely virtuous and almost zen-like in my minimalism, let me just say that I never even considered thinning out the ranks of my handbag or shoe collections. Some things are just sacred.

Apropos of upliftment, I’ve been having some interesting chats with my artist friend, Mette, this week, about awareness and mindfulness. We’ve been treading a similar path of self-development and spirituality for many a year now, so we know the process pretty well – and particularly the pitfalls. One of the downsides of developing more awareness and living more consciously is that you don’t really ever get to get away with anything anymore. If you stay in unconscious mode, you get to blame everyone else when something goes wrong, but with mindfulness not only do you feel the need to take responsibility for your own behaviour, but you also need to let go of judgement, blame and all the other fun stuff we humans like to do.

Sometimes, being compassionate is a tough gig – especially when those around you don’t have the same level of commitment to mindfulness and awareness as you do. But, as Mette and I agreed, there’s no going back when it comes to awareness. It’s like eating from the tree of knowledge – once it’s done, you can’t unlearn it. You might be tempted by old behaviours, because they seem easier, but in reality lack of awareness is the source of a lot more pain than the temporary inconvenience of not being able to blame or judge someone else could ever cause.
So we find our consolations in other ways and for me it’s always a turning inward, a return to an inner-directed awareness, rather than an outer one. In that silence, there’s restoration and peace, a way that allows me to return to the world refreshed and with a hopefulness that will remain with me throughout the day. Being a huge fan of the mystical traditions, it’s no surprise that deep silence is my number one trick for soothing the stressed-out soul. As Caroline Myss says, in her new book, Entering The Castle, “When you enter the castle of your soul … this quality of silence allows you to engage in discernment. You carry this silence within you, even when you are with others. It allows you to hold your centre amid the chaos in your life; it keeps you clear so that you do not do or say things you will regret or make decisions out of fear. Silence is a learned practice that requires far more than just not talking. Not talking is not silence; it’s just not talking.”

She makes a very good point about not talking – even when we think we are audibly silent, our minds chatter away ninety to the dozen. Learning deep silence, as in meditation, is more than just shutting up every once in a while. It’s having a deep reverence for the part of us that is already silent, not drawn by the chatter, not concerned with the outside world – the part of us that is already at rest. This is where the true self resides and why it can replenish us, no matter what is going on outside. Who we are is more than what we wear, who we love, what we do – when we can turn down the soundtrack of our lives, we can start to tap into that deeper self that is not attached to any of those things, nor disturbed by their loss or change.

I’m often talking about the quality of our inner dialogue and how important it is to keep it positive and peaceful. That’s where dipping into the well of silence is such a powerful tool – it’s so much easier to stay peaceful when you feel it from inside, rather than expecting outer circumstances to change your mood for you. To maintain that inner peace, you need an equally peaceful inner dialogue. There’s little chance of holding on to any good feelings if you’re just going to bombard yourself with criticism, doubt and worry the second you return to everyday awareness. This is beautifully illustrated by the work of Dr Masaru Emoto, who has studied the impact on water of various sound and thought vibrations. His pictures show how water responds by changes in its structure, developing complex arrangements of crystalline beauty when exposed to positive influences of music, thought or prayer. Even polluted water samples, which show up originally in quite formless, almost amoebic shapes, can develop beautiful crystal structures when treated with these positive influences. The picture on this page is of a polluted sample from Fujiwara Dam – initially brown, sludgy and shapeless – that was transformed by a prayer offered over it by the priest of a local temple.

I’ve been aware of Dr Emoto’s work for some time, but when it crossed my desk again this week, it struck me just how important it is for all of us to see the physical representation of the effects of sound and thought. After all, we’re largely water, so these are the kinds of reactions that are going on in our own body chemistry all day, every day, whether we are aware of them or not. It’s not only the positive influences that showed changes: as you would expect, dissonant sounds and angry thoughts had a destructive effect on the water composition. If you want your own inner environment to be a beautiful one, then you must pay attention to the quality of energy you surround yourself with, as well as the quality of your own inner dialogue. If you’d like to see more pictures of water crystals – before and after various influences – go to www.adhikara.com/water.html.

This week, pay attention to your inner environment. Notice the thoughts that are running through your mind and begin to consciously slow them down and choose the ones you want to focus on. If you find yourself obsessing about something negative, choose to shift your focus to something you feel enthusiastic about or uplifted by. It takes practice, but it can be done. The first trick is always to slow your breathing. When the breath slows, the mind will always follow. Then pick something that’s positive and imagine how much you’ll enjoy it when you do it or concentrate on how grateful you are to have that thing or person in your life. Whenever you’re feeling stressed and under pressure, go back to slowing your breath down and saying something to yourself like “I have all the time I need”. When you can, try for some deep silence. Sit quietly, breathe slowly and learn to just sit, allowing thoughts to come up and let them pass by easily as you focus on your breathing. The more you do this, the longer the spaces will be between thoughts and the more you will feel your own true inner sense of peace. Have a blissful week!

Click through to the Coach Fabulous advice column by using the link in the Favourite Sites section on the right or by going to http://coachfabulous.blogspot.com. For alert emails on new postings, email subscribe@iamfabulous.co.uk. To contact me, email coachfabulous@iamfabulous.co.uk. All material © 2007 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author. (Originally posted 9 Apr 07)

The Power Of Place

If there’s one place in the world where you could wear a tiara every day and no-one would blink an eyelid, it would have to be Ibiza. It’s the spiritual home of rich hippie kaftan chic – think Indian peasant style goes über-bling and you’ll know what I’m talking about. If you like floating about in chiffon and sequins, accessorised with jewel-encrusted sandals and sunglasses so big they could withstand a nuclear explosion, then Ibiza is the place for you.

Some places come into your life as if by magic and for me this is one of them. The laid-back island life and charming restaurants in secret coves accessible only by dirt track or yacht make it a place of constant surprises. It may be small, but there’s a lot to be discovered if you know where to look. I was lucky enough to be staying with a friend on the island who showed me some of its most hidden treasures and to be able to enjoy them before the summer crush began.
There were plenty of fabulous moments in my stay on the island, but the one that had the most profound effect on me was the afternoon we spent at the Atzaró spa. Set in orange groves in the middle of the island, Atzaró is a shining example of agroturismo, where rural properties are converted to offer peaceful surroundings, local food and contact with nature, in contrast to the impersonality of the large hotel chains.

The owners of Atzaró have taken an old, isolated farm and melded a fascinating mix of Spanish, Arabic and Asian architecture styles to create such a powerful sense of place that your body automatically relaxes simply by being there. The Asian temple-style entrance is enchanting, leading to the restaurant and boutique hotel, but the pièce de resistance is the spa. By the time you reach the bottom of the stairs you will never want to leave.

A long, slim lap pool designed like a Moorish water garden sits on the edge of the orange grove and Moroccan day beds encourage you to lounge about on sumptuous jewel-coloured cushions. Treatments take place in airy Indonesian huts, full of light and peace, and the practitioners are top quality, trained in many forms of Asian massage and therapy.

My friend Kata and I spent long, languid hours soaking up the atmosphere and doing gentle, lazy laps in the pool before indulging in one of the best massages we’ve had in years. We both had to be peeled off the table, as we could have stayed there forever. With that gorgeous Zen ambience and the chance to meditate in beautiful, natural surroundings with the scent of oranges and the sound of birdsong, I was in bliss. If heaven is a place on earth, it must be in Ibiza.

Now that I have probably driven you insane with envy, it’s time to turn your attention to the places in your life that have made a difference to you. Where have you felt at your most peaceful? What places did you instantly love, for no discernible reason? Where do you go when you need to find some peace? What place comes to mind when you need to recharge yourself? Where do you go when you simply need to stop?

You know what’s coming next … make time to go there! Before you start with the ‘I’m too busy’ routine, remember that rest makes you more productive. Running on empty is a creatively desolate place to work from. When you take time to refresh yourself, you can return with a fresh perspective and new energy.

Make a list of the places that are nearby and easy to get to, as well as the ones that are dream holiday destinations. This is about learning to balance activity and relaxation in your daily life, not working like a maniac so you can flop on the beach in total exhaustion. Something that regenerates you could be as simple as having tea and cake with a good friend in a sweet little café, taking a drive in the countryside or spending an afternoon at a day spa. Make sure you set aside time in your diary for rest, peace and restoration.

And before you start moaning that you can’t afford it, remember that an investment in your well-being is an investment in your future. If your energy is flat, your creativity will be too. Also, you’re less tolerant with people and your relationships suffer, both at home and at work. In a positive frame of mind, all sorts of synergy can come to pass and new opportunities can open up, just because you have a relaxed and open attitude.

Finally, the real secret is that the peace those places have given you is always available to you, wherever you are – you simply need to go within and remember how you felt when you were there. When things are tough on the outside, retreat inside and fill yourself with the peacefulness of your favourite slices of heaven on earth. I may only have spent an afternoon at Atzaró, but I’ll have it as my personal secret haven of bliss for the rest of my life. Isn’t that just fabulous?

Coach Fabulous is now online and updated every Thursday at http://coachfabulous.blogspot.com. You can also use the link in the Favourite Sites section on the right. For alert emails on new postings, with added inspirations and confidence tips, send a blank email to IAmFabulousCo@aol.com with 'Subscribe' in the title field. All material © 2006 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author. (Originally posted 22 May 06)