Down Time

We live in crazy times. Most days I tend to ignore that fact, but then something bizarre rises up and slaps you about the head and shoulders until you finally have to accept that frenetic behaviour is now the norm. We don’t seem to be capable of simply sitting still for even a few minutes – read moments for some people – without desperately seeking some form of outside entertainment. A friend of mine, Robert Holden, calls this modern phenomenon the ‘manic society’.

When I first heard that term I could see that we all seem to be frantically busy and overwhelmed with emails and mobiles – busy, but not necessarily productive – yet there’s a whole other layer of mania developing that I’d not witnessed before. Culturally, we are developing into a society of people utterly incapable of simply being still. Let’s face it, who among us doesn’t start sending texts when we have a few idle moments at the restaurant table when our friends are all congregating outside for a quick nicotine hit? They might only be gone a couple of minutes, but we’re nervous of even a few moments alone with our thoughts.

While that might be what passes for normal behaviour these days, this week I saw something that quite alarmingly demonstrates just how deep this aversion to dealing with our own thoughts actually can be. On a routine trip to the doctor’s surgery, flipping idly through the traditional selection of ancient fashion magazines with curled edges and strategically missing pages, my reverie was disturbed by the unmistakeable sound of a computer booting up. Assuming that there was no way anyone would bring a laptop to a doctor’s surgery, I figured this had to be just another new kind of ringtone. This assumption appeared to be borne out by the sound of a woman droning away on a business call on her mobile, directly under the sign which politely requested all visitors to the surgery to turn their phones off.

Mildly annoyed at her lack of courtesy and bored by looking at out-of-date fashion pics, I decided to just sit quietly with my thoughts. A man sat down opposite me as I closed my eyes and, with the droning woman as a faint hum in the background, I managed to grab a few moments of peacefulness. Then came a sound that can only be described as what I imagine a gorilla would sound like if given free rein to pound away on a keyboard. I glanced up to see the man across from me bashing away at his laptop as if he were trying to beat it into submission. Blinking in disbelief, I looked to my right and there was the woman pecking away at the keyboard on her computer in a gingerly fashion, her typing facility somewhat impeded by her 2-inch nails. I was in the midst of duelling laptops – in stereo.

Now, if I lived in New York, that might be acceptable behaviour, but a doctor’s surgery in west London – are you kidding me? Since when have we been so alienated from our own inner world that we’ve become incapable of sitting in a room without a laptop for the few minutes it takes to wait for your doctor’s appointment? That really scares me way more than the mobile/text thing. Occupying yourself with a phone is opportunistic – you already have it, so it’s an easy distraction. Lugging a laptop into a surgery is a major statement that you feel you have to occupy every single available moment in order to feel worthy. Very, very scary.

So what would I rather they do? Quite frankly, pretty much nothing. Allow a few random thoughts in. Look around them. Muse on an idea they’re developing. Check out other people’s style. Maybe not even think at all. Yeah, I know that’s a tall order, because our manic minds love to be occupied, so here are a few suggestions to occupy you in the bank queue, while waiting for the bus or as an alternative to the vintage mags at the doc’s:

· Get a moment of peace by closing your eyes and simply focusing on your breath as it goes in and out over your upper lip. When your mind wanders, return it to that sensation of feeling the air go in and out. This is a simple relaxation/meditation technique to use when you need a quick burst of tranquillity.

· Go on what Esther Hicks and Abraham call a ‘Rampage of Appreciation’. Start listing what you appreciate about your life right now and what you’ve really enjoyed in the past. It’ll really perk up your energy, leaving you feeling happy with what you have.

· Pick a quality that you’d like to have more of in your life – for example peace, joy, love or creativity – and try to focus for a couple of minutes on what your life would be like if you had more of that. This helps to build mental focus and elevate your mood.

· For a confidence boost, do a quick success blast from the past. Think of as many times as you can where you’ve achieved something, got a job you really wanted, had a project well received or got together with the person of your dreams. Focusing on how you’ve done well improves your self-image and self-confidence.

This week, give yourself some down time. Stop trying to occupy every waking moment. Resist the temptation to send a text or an email rather than sit with your own thoughts. Muse a little. Turn off the iPod and find out what thoughts are lurking in your own mind. Look around you. See what inspiration you can draw from your surroundings. Smell the coffee. Breathe deeply. Be present in your own life.

For the Coach Fabulous archives, go to www.coachfabulous.blogspot.com and for the I Am Fabulous archives, go to www.fabcentral.blogspot.com. You can email me at coachfabulous@iamfabulous.co.uk. All material ©2008 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author. (Originally posted 28 Apr 08)

New Beginnings

The heavens are aligning in a particularly inspirational way this weekend, as we celebrate the spring equinox – marking the birth of a new astrological year – and Easter, traditionally a period of rebirth, at the same time. If that’s not a clue, I don’t know what is …

To get with the programme, make sure you carve out some time for yourself over the Easter break to consider how to invite the energy of a new direction into your life. It’s a time of regeneration – letting go of the old and making room for the new to take shape. That spaciousness comes from introspection and opening up to intuitive inklings of what might be ready to be expressed in your life.

If you’re a regular reader, you already know that stillness is the key when you’re looking for inner guidance. What you might not know is that the author of Practical Intuition, Laura Day, considers that there are four main personality responses to crisis that affect how you receive and interpret intuition. They reflect the fundamental ways in which you respond to difficulty – through anger, denial, depression or anxiety.

According to Day, each of those approaches carries within it a specific gift. Anger has passion, denial contains effectiveness, depression bears wisdom and anxiety incorporates awareness. Each one deals with things differently when life doesn’t go well and therefore needs a different type of preparation for opening up to the intuition that will guide them out of difficult circumstances.

As she says, “Each type has a different way of meditating. An Anger type needs to discharge some of their energy. Instead of sitting and chanting, what they need to do is maybe run a quarter mile or do a hundred jumping jacks.

“A Denial type needs to release some of the fear. Once the denial type sees what’s wrong and has the courage to do that, they can solve anything. What they need to do is something that makes them feel, whether it’s a song that makes them cry a little, seeing a friend that warms their heart or looking at an old photo album to get them back into their feeling self. That gives them the peace that they need.

“A Depression type is afraid of action because they’re already exhausted just by the idea of life. The first thing a Depression type needs to do to intuit clearly is to find support. They should make their environment supportive – get a comfortable chair, have a beverage – making them feel like they’re taken care of first and then their intuition will flow accurately.

“Anxiety types’ nemesis is confusion. Anxiety types get so much information all the time intuitively and can do absolutely nothing with it. All it does is make them anxious about things they’re never going to encounter. What they need to do is to break their intuitive inquiries down – make a list of questions and do each one step-by-step. They need to order their experience.”
You can find short, guided ‘audio experiences’ for each of these response types at http://www.welcometoyourcrisis.com/experiences.html. They’ll help you to relax and tap into your intuition in a way that’s best suited to your personality.

That should get you geared up for a little seasonal inspiration and intuition. Have a heavenly Easter break!

For the Coach Fabulous archives, go to www.coachfabulous.blogspot.com and for the I Am Fabulous archives, go to www.fabcentral.blogspot.com. Email me at coachfabulous@iamfabulous.co.uk. All material ©2008 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author. (Originally posted 10 Mar 08)

Ibizarre

Having just made my now regular pilgrimage to Ibiza, I’m so laid-back I’m almost horizontal. I’ve even managed to hang on to the chill through what would normally be a hellish workday and may even surprise myself and float through tomorrow on a little cloud of Balearic bliss as well. I think the outfit helps. Clothes maketh the woman, so I’m still in full rich hippie sartorial flow. As a colleague noted with a faint air of bemusement today, “you look like you’re dressed for the beach”. It probably wasn’t a compliment, but it’s not exactly like I care …

There’s something about the island that almost instantaneously restores you, however stressed you might be. The flights were hellish – the soi-disant ‘world’s favourite airline’ should rename themselves Chav Air if there’s any truth in advertising. It’s no fun being stuck up in the sky with a job lot of boozed-up Burberry knock-offs on a stag party at the best of times, but when the air hostesses are ducking for cover and praying for flak jackets, you really know you’re in for a dodgy flight.

Ah, but then when you land they go off to their ghastly San An holiday resorts, where they’ll be confined for the rest of their visit - when conscious - and you get the rest of that fabulous island. It’s worth a little temporary airborne pain for some laid-back luxury on land. My first stop is always the Atzaro spa, www.atzaro.com, which is guaranteed to shift your mood the second you walk in the door. Peacefulness reigns supreme there, so mundane concerns just fall away.
After the detox, the retox is so much more delightful at Km5, www.km5-lounge.com or the gloriously decadent Bambuddah Grove, www.bambuddah.com, with its Moonlight Bedroom Lounge. That’s a languidly-decorated open-air secret haven of Balinese day-beds swathed with silk curtains, mixed with curiously formal French furniture – all hidden behind a curtain of bamboo plants, candle-lit and reeking of glamour.

By now, I imagine that you’re getting the picture that I love the place. Is it that obvious? Well, it’s one of the few places on earth that I feel absolutely, totally at home. There’s something quirky about Ibiza that draws unusual, interesting people and you always make connections there that are fun and meaningful. Not to mention reconnecting with yourself, remembering what’s important and perhaps even more valuable - what’s not.

This week, take yourself somewhere where you feel really at home, where you can get some time out to remember what’s important to you and forget the rest. If you can’t get away right now, do something simple that reminds you of your favourite place to be. Dress like you’re going to the beach. Pretend you’re going to a meeting and sneak off for a massage. Buy some chillout music, turn off the phone, light some candles and have a good, long uber-bubbly soak. Take your time - don’t rush. Let the world come to you. Stillness is a very attractive quality.

Click through to the Coach Fabulous advice column by using the link in the Favourite Sites section on the right or by going to http://coachfabulous.blogspot.com. For alert emails on new postings, email subscribe@iamfabulous.co.uk. To contact me, email coachfabulous@iamfabulous.co.uk. All material © 2007 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author. (Originally posted 26 Jun 07)

Inner Worlds

In a week where I’ve found myself more than a little challenged to keep a grip on my inner peace, a couple of things have come along to provide some upliftment for those bad hair days of the soul. Firstly, mindful of the question of environment and the effect it has on our mood and behaviour, I’ve indulged in the seasonal no-holds-barred chuck-out generally known as spring cleaning and am proudly sitting in a tidy office, free of the usual clutter. My heaving wardrobes have had the same treatment, so the local charity shop is about to benefit from a load of designer cast-offs that I just can’t justify hanging on to any more. That’s the design fault implicit in buying good stuff – you tend to keep it longer because it cost so damn much in the first place. Mind you, it’s a bit of a paradox because classics have an enduring appeal and can still look good years later, but at some point you just have to bite the bullet and let them go. Now, before you begin to think I’m becoming extremely virtuous and almost zen-like in my minimalism, let me just say that I never even considered thinning out the ranks of my handbag or shoe collections. Some things are just sacred.

Apropos of upliftment, I’ve been having some interesting chats with my artist friend, Mette, this week, about awareness and mindfulness. We’ve been treading a similar path of self-development and spirituality for many a year now, so we know the process pretty well – and particularly the pitfalls. One of the downsides of developing more awareness and living more consciously is that you don’t really ever get to get away with anything anymore. If you stay in unconscious mode, you get to blame everyone else when something goes wrong, but with mindfulness not only do you feel the need to take responsibility for your own behaviour, but you also need to let go of judgement, blame and all the other fun stuff we humans like to do.

Sometimes, being compassionate is a tough gig – especially when those around you don’t have the same level of commitment to mindfulness and awareness as you do. But, as Mette and I agreed, there’s no going back when it comes to awareness. It’s like eating from the tree of knowledge – once it’s done, you can’t unlearn it. You might be tempted by old behaviours, because they seem easier, but in reality lack of awareness is the source of a lot more pain than the temporary inconvenience of not being able to blame or judge someone else could ever cause.
So we find our consolations in other ways and for me it’s always a turning inward, a return to an inner-directed awareness, rather than an outer one. In that silence, there’s restoration and peace, a way that allows me to return to the world refreshed and with a hopefulness that will remain with me throughout the day. Being a huge fan of the mystical traditions, it’s no surprise that deep silence is my number one trick for soothing the stressed-out soul. As Caroline Myss says, in her new book, Entering The Castle, “When you enter the castle of your soul … this quality of silence allows you to engage in discernment. You carry this silence within you, even when you are with others. It allows you to hold your centre amid the chaos in your life; it keeps you clear so that you do not do or say things you will regret or make decisions out of fear. Silence is a learned practice that requires far more than just not talking. Not talking is not silence; it’s just not talking.”

She makes a very good point about not talking – even when we think we are audibly silent, our minds chatter away ninety to the dozen. Learning deep silence, as in meditation, is more than just shutting up every once in a while. It’s having a deep reverence for the part of us that is already silent, not drawn by the chatter, not concerned with the outside world – the part of us that is already at rest. This is where the true self resides and why it can replenish us, no matter what is going on outside. Who we are is more than what we wear, who we love, what we do – when we can turn down the soundtrack of our lives, we can start to tap into that deeper self that is not attached to any of those things, nor disturbed by their loss or change.

I’m often talking about the quality of our inner dialogue and how important it is to keep it positive and peaceful. That’s where dipping into the well of silence is such a powerful tool – it’s so much easier to stay peaceful when you feel it from inside, rather than expecting outer circumstances to change your mood for you. To maintain that inner peace, you need an equally peaceful inner dialogue. There’s little chance of holding on to any good feelings if you’re just going to bombard yourself with criticism, doubt and worry the second you return to everyday awareness. This is beautifully illustrated by the work of Dr Masaru Emoto, who has studied the impact on water of various sound and thought vibrations. His pictures show how water responds by changes in its structure, developing complex arrangements of crystalline beauty when exposed to positive influences of music, thought or prayer. Even polluted water samples, which show up originally in quite formless, almost amoebic shapes, can develop beautiful crystal structures when treated with these positive influences. The picture on this page is of a polluted sample from Fujiwara Dam – initially brown, sludgy and shapeless – that was transformed by a prayer offered over it by the priest of a local temple.

I’ve been aware of Dr Emoto’s work for some time, but when it crossed my desk again this week, it struck me just how important it is for all of us to see the physical representation of the effects of sound and thought. After all, we’re largely water, so these are the kinds of reactions that are going on in our own body chemistry all day, every day, whether we are aware of them or not. It’s not only the positive influences that showed changes: as you would expect, dissonant sounds and angry thoughts had a destructive effect on the water composition. If you want your own inner environment to be a beautiful one, then you must pay attention to the quality of energy you surround yourself with, as well as the quality of your own inner dialogue. If you’d like to see more pictures of water crystals – before and after various influences – go to www.adhikara.com/water.html.

This week, pay attention to your inner environment. Notice the thoughts that are running through your mind and begin to consciously slow them down and choose the ones you want to focus on. If you find yourself obsessing about something negative, choose to shift your focus to something you feel enthusiastic about or uplifted by. It takes practice, but it can be done. The first trick is always to slow your breathing. When the breath slows, the mind will always follow. Then pick something that’s positive and imagine how much you’ll enjoy it when you do it or concentrate on how grateful you are to have that thing or person in your life. Whenever you’re feeling stressed and under pressure, go back to slowing your breath down and saying something to yourself like “I have all the time I need”. When you can, try for some deep silence. Sit quietly, breathe slowly and learn to just sit, allowing thoughts to come up and let them pass by easily as you focus on your breathing. The more you do this, the longer the spaces will be between thoughts and the more you will feel your own true inner sense of peace. Have a blissful week!

Click through to the Coach Fabulous advice column by using the link in the Favourite Sites section on the right or by going to http://coachfabulous.blogspot.com. For alert emails on new postings, email subscribe@iamfabulous.co.uk. To contact me, email coachfabulous@iamfabulous.co.uk. All material © 2007 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author. (Originally posted 9 Apr 07)