When the going gets tough, the tough get spiritualised. Or at least that’s my take on it. Collectively, we’re going through difficult times. Few of us are unaffected by the general level of stress and barely-restrained hysteria out there and many of us are experiencing straitened circumstances, perhaps for the first time in our lives. When there’s no comfort in the outer world, at least we can find some in the inner one. It really doesn’t matter what you’re going through – there’s a spiritual balm for almost any problem.
Focusing on whatever your current issue might be and worrying it to death is only going to get you even more uptight and quite probably spin you into helplessness, feeling trapped and stuck. That’s not to say you don’t do everything you need to do to deal with it but that, as Einstein said, you cannot solve a problem from the level of consciousness that created it. If you’re stuck in a headspin, the solution you’ll come up with is highly unlikely to be a useful one. So even before you take the practical steps to work with an issue, take a little time out to relax your mind and body. Your creativity and intuition cannot flow in a thought-field that’s set like concrete. When your mind is clear, take the steps that you need to take to alleviate the problem.
Once that’s done, that’s where the spiritualised part really kicks in. So far, you’ve only been in problem-solving mode. The next step is to really begin to separate yourself from the problem. Most of us specialise in feeling really bad when we have an issue, even when we’ve taken the steps we need to take to resolve it. But what if we didn’t have to, even if we didn’t have a solution? If you cannot change something, at least you can change the way you’re feeling about it. The issue will still be there, whether you sit around feeling bad about it or not. It won’t magically go away if you mope around. If anything, it’ll probably get worse.
What’s required is a little detachment, learning to dis-identify with the problem and re-identify with the truth of who you are, which is infinitely creative, talented, inspired and of course fabulous. The more you can liberate yourself from identification with the problem and cleave to your natural, authentic self, the easier it will become to see issues as passing clouds that are impermanent. They don’t need to obscure your personal joy. OK it’s a tough call to live like this, because it’s just so much easier to wallow, but I guarantee you’ll feel so much better for it.
When you find yourself able to lighten up a little and get on with the good things in life, regardless of your circumstances, try looking for a message in whatever trials you’re currently experiencing. Are you bashing your head against a brick wall, trying to make something work that quite patently won’t? Is this a call to examine your personal values and start making different choices? Could this be some personal resistance you’ve never noticed before or an old pattern that keeps rearing its ugly head?
If we consider life to be a process of refinement, then it’s constantly sending us down a path of discernment, where we get to choose what’s right for us. Often the really difficult experiences are the ones where we get to learn what – and who – we truly value. If that’s where you are right now, what might this be leading you to? Get over the concept of punishment and start thinking about course correction. What if your current circumstances were signposts trying to lead you down a different pathway? Are you hanging on for dear life to something that’s no longer right for you?
Nietzsche was right – what doesn’t kill you does make you stronger. What he didn’t say was that you can almost go mad in the process. The top tip for any personal difficulty is to find support wherever and whenever you can. Trying to go it alone and doing the old stiff upper lip trick just doesn’t cut it. Talk to your good friends and let them help in any way they can. Indulge in the things that make you feel good, however small a luxury they may be. Call upon the memory of good times and those who have loved you when you need uplifting. Tap into inner resources of peace through meditation and mindfulness. If your brain is really fried, try guided meditation, which will help you to focus when all else fails. You’ll find short audio meditations at http://www.orindaben.com/meditations/orinmeditations.php and a selection of video Wisdom Flashes at http://www.consciousone.com/wisdomflash to help you shift your mood.
Bottom line, a shift in perception is always what’s needed when we’re confronted with things we don’t like. We can stay stuck in the pain or we can choose to think and feel differently. If a relationship is driving you nuts, try a radical shift into appreciating why you love that person. If money’s the problem, use what you have for things you really enjoy and start paying attention to the things and people who bring you joy and don’t cost a penny. If it’s work that’s causing you to flip out, remember the job isn’t you. You had a life before it and you’ll have one after it. This too shall pass. For the big stuff as much as the little stuff, it serves us well to remember that change is the only certainty in life. We have to find our security within ourselves, because all things in the outer world are subject to change. That’s where having a faith and a spiritual practice are vital – you can find joy, support and hope even in the darkest hours.
This week, take whatever’s bugging you and start dis-identifying with it, remembering you can still choose to be happy, whether the problem is there or not. You can still find things to be grateful for, you can still go out and have a good time and you can still relax even if there’s no obvious solution. The quality of your inner world is what affects the quality of your outer world. We tend to think it’s the other way around, but there’s always a choice. One particular saying from A Course In Miracles comes in pretty handy whenever you’re up against it. It goes like this: “I could choose peace instead of this.” Use it like a mantra when the going gets tough. It’ll help break the cycle of repetitive, unhelpful thoughts. Be kind to yourself, let yourself off the hook, accept your circumstances as they are and choose to find peace in the midst of the maelstrom. Even a hurricane has a still point at its centre. Find yours and keep returning to it.
Here’s a little wisdom from Lao Tzu to help you on your way:
“When the chatter of our minds quiets down, we find the still point around which all life revolves. From the still point we watch everything come and go in perfect peace.
Everything that is, was, or ever will be has a common source from which it comes, in which it lives, and to which it returns.
Understanding this coming and going, we return to our source and our confusion ends. Not understanding this, we remain confused and bring about great suffering.
Living at the still point, we are open to all of life. Open to all of life, we don’t judge anything. Not judging, we see with compassion. Seeing with compassion, we discover our true nature. Discovering our true nature, we are at home and nothing in life disturbs us.”
For the Coach Fabulous archives, go to www.coachfabulous.blogspot.com and for the I Am Fabulous archives, go to www.fabcentral.blogspot.com. You can email me at coachfabulous@iamfabulous.co.uk. All material ©2008 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author. (Originally posted 28 Jul 08)
