Spiritualised


When the going gets tough, the tough get spiritualised. Or at least that’s my take on it. Collectively, we’re going through difficult times. Few of us are unaffected by the general level of stress and barely-restrained hysteria out there and many of us are experiencing straitened circumstances, perhaps for the first time in our lives. When there’s no comfort in the outer world, at least we can find some in the inner one. It really doesn’t matter what you’re going through – there’s a spiritual balm for almost any problem.

Focusing on whatever your current issue might be and worrying it to death is only going to get you even more uptight and quite probably spin you into helplessness, feeling trapped and stuck. That’s not to say you don’t do everything you need to do to deal with it but that, as Einstein said, you cannot solve a problem from the level of consciousness that created it. If you’re stuck in a headspin, the solution you’ll come up with is highly unlikely to be a useful one. So even before you take the practical steps to work with an issue, take a little time out to relax your mind and body. Your creativity and intuition cannot flow in a thought-field that’s set like concrete. When your mind is clear, take the steps that you need to take to alleviate the problem.

Once that’s done, that’s where the spiritualised part really kicks in. So far, you’ve only been in problem-solving mode. The next step is to really begin to separate yourself from the problem. Most of us specialise in feeling really bad when we have an issue, even when we’ve taken the steps we need to take to resolve it. But what if we didn’t have to, even if we didn’t have a solution? If you cannot change something, at least you can change the way you’re feeling about it. The issue will still be there, whether you sit around feeling bad about it or not. It won’t magically go away if you mope around. If anything, it’ll probably get worse.

What’s required is a little detachment, learning to dis-identify with the problem and re-identify with the truth of who you are, which is infinitely creative, talented, inspired and of course fabulous. The more you can liberate yourself from identification with the problem and cleave to your natural, authentic self, the easier it will become to see issues as passing clouds that are impermanent. They don’t need to obscure your personal joy. OK it’s a tough call to live like this, because it’s just so much easier to wallow, but I guarantee you’ll feel so much better for it.

When you find yourself able to lighten up a little and get on with the good things in life, regardless of your circumstances, try looking for a message in whatever trials you’re currently experiencing. Are you bashing your head against a brick wall, trying to make something work that quite patently won’t? Is this a call to examine your personal values and start making different choices? Could this be some personal resistance you’ve never noticed before or an old pattern that keeps rearing its ugly head?

If we consider life to be a process of refinement, then it’s constantly sending us down a path of discernment, where we get to choose what’s right for us. Often the really difficult experiences are the ones where we get to learn what – and who – we truly value. If that’s where you are right now, what might this be leading you to? Get over the concept of punishment and start thinking about course correction. What if your current circumstances were signposts trying to lead you down a different pathway? Are you hanging on for dear life to something that’s no longer right for you?

Nietzsche was right – what doesn’t kill you does make you stronger. What he didn’t say was that you can almost go mad in the process. The top tip for any personal difficulty is to find support wherever and whenever you can. Trying to go it alone and doing the old stiff upper lip trick just doesn’t cut it. Talk to your good friends and let them help in any way they can. Indulge in the things that make you feel good, however small a luxury they may be. Call upon the memory of good times and those who have loved you when you need uplifting. Tap into inner resources of peace through meditation and mindfulness. If your brain is really fried, try guided meditation, which will help you to focus when all else fails. You’ll find short audio meditations at http://www.orindaben.com/meditations/orinmeditations.php and a selection of video Wisdom Flashes at http://www.consciousone.com/wisdomflash to help you shift your mood.

Bottom line, a shift in perception is always what’s needed when we’re confronted with things we don’t like. We can stay stuck in the pain or we can choose to think and feel differently. If a relationship is driving you nuts, try a radical shift into appreciating why you love that person. If money’s the problem, use what you have for things you really enjoy and start paying attention to the things and people who bring you joy and don’t cost a penny. If it’s work that’s causing you to flip out, remember the job isn’t you. You had a life before it and you’ll have one after it. This too shall pass. For the big stuff as much as the little stuff, it serves us well to remember that change is the only certainty in life. We have to find our security within ourselves, because all things in the outer world are subject to change. That’s where having a faith and a spiritual practice are vital – you can find joy, support and hope even in the darkest hours.

This week, take whatever’s bugging you and start dis-identifying with it, remembering you can still choose to be happy, whether the problem is there or not. You can still find things to be grateful for, you can still go out and have a good time and you can still relax even if there’s no obvious solution. The quality of your inner world is what affects the quality of your outer world. We tend to think it’s the other way around, but there’s always a choice. One particular saying from A Course In Miracles comes in pretty handy whenever you’re up against it. It goes like this: “I could choose peace instead of this.” Use it like a mantra when the going gets tough. It’ll help break the cycle of repetitive, unhelpful thoughts. Be kind to yourself, let yourself off the hook, accept your circumstances as they are and choose to find peace in the midst of the maelstrom. Even a hurricane has a still point at its centre. Find yours and keep returning to it.

Here’s a little wisdom from Lao Tzu to help you on your way:

“When the chatter of our minds quiets down, we find the still point around which all life revolves. From the still point we watch everything come and go in perfect peace.

Everything that is, was, or ever will be has a common source from which it comes, in which it lives, and to which it returns.

Understanding this coming and going, we return to our source and our confusion ends. Not understanding this, we remain confused and bring about great suffering.

Living at the still point, we are open to all of life. Open to all of life, we don’t judge anything. Not judging, we see with compassion. Seeing with compassion, we discover our true nature. Discovering our true nature, we are at home and nothing in life disturbs us.”

For the Coach Fabulous archives, go to www.coachfabulous.blogspot.com and for the I Am Fabulous archives, go to www.fabcentral.blogspot.com. You can email me at coachfabulous@iamfabulous.co.uk. All material ©2008 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author. (Originally posted 28 Jul 08)

The Pursuit Of Happiness

This one’s been percolating in my mind for a few weeks. It was only just a passing comment by someone at a party, but for some reason the way it was phrased rang alarm bells like Big Ben on acid. Along with the general chit-chat that goes with the canapés, we were discussing the meaning of life, the universe and everything when my cocktail companion said “I’m just trying to find what will make me happy”.

That probably doesn’t sound like a lot to you, but what rang clear and loud to me was just how fundamentally that concept is flawed. So its outcome, like the fruit of the poisoned tree, must be doomed to failure. If you’re on a quest to find your happiness, the underlying assumption is that the answer exists outside yourself, as something to be found in the world. Equally, if you need to search for your happiness, then something must be wrong with you and, again, the cure is expected to come from an external source. Both of these assumptions force you into a position of helplessness, of being at the mercy of unhappiness until the remedy is found. They’re ultimately very self-destructive, because they imply that who we are is not enough, that we’re damaged goods and that only something that arises from outside of us can save us.

This is a classically Western psychological malaise that is at odds with Eastern spiritual perspectives. In the Dzogchen Tibetan lineage, as described by Lama Surya Das, we are already whole and complete and life is our journey back to that awareness. He says “Dzogchen means the innate great completeness. It points to our own innate wholeness, our own true Buddha nature, our untrammelled spirit, perfect and pure from the beginningless beginning. It is what we call the Buddha within – not an oriental Buddha, not an historical Buddha, not one of stone, not male or female, but the Buddha nature within each of us, true and wise, loving and compassionate. We want to come back to that, awaken it, cultivate it – that is what the path is about. We don't get it from outside, from someone or somewhere else, or even from our own ideas of what we are. The Havajra Tantra says we are all Buddhas by nature but must, through our own spiritual work, awaken to ourselves.”

In Dzogchen, as indeed in the Christian-inspired teachings of A Course In Miracles, who we are at essence is loving, peaceful and joyful. What stands in the way of knowing the truth about ourselves are the illusions we carry about who we are and how we see the world. Our lack of self-worth and the belief that a change of circumstances will make us happy drive us into the outer world to seek a fulfilment that paradoxically cannot ultimately be found there, because it is already within. That’s not to say that you won’t have fun with the shoes and the cars and the holidays along the way, just that these are incidental to true happiness, not the actual cause of it.

As you’re probably aware by now, I’m hardly an advocate of the ascetic lifestyle. In fact, if shopping were an Olympic sport, let’s just say I’d have a fine little collection of gold medallions. What I have come to know, though, is that collecting stuff is entertainment, not the main event. It’s like indulging in a serious sugar hit – you know you’re going to get a temporary lift in energy, but after that it’ll leave you feeling even more like you’re running on empty than before. What’s required for sustained energy is something a little more substantial and that applies equally to the art of happiness.

When you discover that wellspring of joy, peace and fulfilment within, then the outer stuff is still fun, but it’s not what drives your life. The focus then becomes on how to live in alignment with who you really are and life can become an experiment in creativity, of finding ways in which to express yourself, rather than a treasure hunt for an external form of happiness. Everything can become a form of joyful exploration, instead of desperate pursuit.

As a Zen Buddhist text puts it, “The person who is a master in the art of living makes little distinction between their work and their play, their labour and their leisure, their mind and their body, their education and their recreation, their love and their religion. They hardly know which is which. They simply pursue their vision of excellence and grace in whatever they do, leaving others to decide whether they are working or playing. To them, they are always doing both.”
This joyful vision of a life lived in integrity with the true self has much in common with the views expressed by two figures who were totally polarised in their religious beliefs – or lack of them: the deeply spiritual Mahatma Gandhi and the existentialist writer, Albert Camus. For Gandhi, “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” Camus wrote “But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads”. Clearly no religious belief is required, but a sense of integrity between the self and the way that life is lived is essential.

This week, spend a little quiet time so that you can pay attention to what arises from within you that makes you happy. It can be as simple as just being peaceful for a few minutes or stopping long enough to let a creative idea pop up in your normally over-occupied mind. Take a look at how well your life reflects your values. We tend to think that our purpose in life is a job, but it's actually the totatlity of how we live. Where are you in alignment with what you value and where are you way out of whack? What are you doing that you feel uncomfortable about? If something feels unfulfilling to you, what's missing? If it feels right, what about it is in alignment with who you are? What qualities are the people around you expressing and how well does that sit with you?

The key to becoming aware of your own essence of completeness and joy is to know yourself and to live in alignment with what is true for you. Happiness is an inside job and that’s always going to be impossible to achieve without some good old-fashioned introspection. I’ll give the philosopher, Aristotle, the final word on this one. As he put it, “To live happily is an inward power of the soul”. If you want real happiness, it’s time to drop the outer search and start looking on the inside. Know your happiness – don’t try to find it!

Click through to the Coach Fabulous advice column by using the link in the Favourite Sites section on the right or by going to http://coachfabulous.blogspot.com. For alert emails on new postings, email subscribe@iamfabulous.co.uk. To contact me, email coachfabulous@iamfabulous.co.uk. All material © 2007 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author. (Originally posted 19 Feb 07)