Spiritual Power
Power is such a dirty word. We don’t seem to have a positive cultural image of power, as most of our associations with it tend to centre around control or corruption, yet we are engaged in power plays every single day of our lives. A lot of the people I’ve spoken with this week are experiencing various forms of power struggles at work and in relationships and, of course, on a collective scale we are going through one hell of a power struggle in the Middle East. On an individual level – as uncomfortable as this may be – if you want to become captain of your ship and master of your own destiny, then you have to come to terms with your relationship to power and authority.
Women can struggle with this more than most. As so much of our communication style is based on creating relationships, issues of authority and power can be a real challenge. That’s not to say that power is the exclusive province of men, but they do have a bit of a historical headstart on this one and a cultural bias towards seeming naturally authoritative. As the leading commentator on male/female conversational styles, Deborah Tannen, notes in Talking From 9 to 5: Men and Women at Work, there is a minefield of difficulties inherent in differing communication styles and these impact hugely on perceptions of power. She says “Men whose oppositional strategies are interpreted literally may be seen to be hostile when they are not, and their efforts to ensure that they avoid appearing one-down may be taken as arrogance. When women use conversational strategies designed to avoid appearing boastful and to take the other person’s feelings into account, they may be seen as less confident and competent than they really are.”
Ay, there’s the rub. All that girlie niceness just doesn’t cut it in the power stakes. Yet, some thirty years of feminism – and a tedious foray into the embarrassment that was girl power – surely can’t mean we’re still meant to behave like male clones just to be heard in the world? Thank God – and Gloria Steinem – that those days are gone, but we do need to redefine power in a more spiritual and feminine way. And that power is one of self-assurance and attraction, rather than control and manipulation. Interestingly enough, the examples that I’m going to use of those who’ve demonstrated this power are both men, but what they have in common is a strong attunement to their creativity and the ‘feminine’ (but not exclusively female) ability to be receptive to spiritual inspiration.
A few years ago I was publicising one of the designer Paco Rabanne’s books, and ended up in his Paris atelier on the eve of one of the haute couture shows. It’s a no-brainer to work out that the atmosphere should have been so frantic and stressed-out that I’d have needed a tranquiliser just to enter the room, but he was totally calm and his studio was simply a happy little hive of activity, rather than the fashionista edition of Dante’s vision of hell. When he was being interviewed by journalists, he simply told his story – which was a rather controversial memoir of his past lives – with an effortless openness. He felt no need for defensiveness. If they accepted his story, great, if not, that was their choice. One by one, they were all charmed. Standing in his own truth and self-acceptance, he was a quiet, yet enormously powerful and charismatic figure.
That simple, unthreatened and unthreatening sense of power reminded me of seeing the singer Donovan in concert, way back in the seventies. Glam rock was in its heyday and shows were as loud, glitzy and tacky as they could possibly get. Understatement was a forgotten art. Against the tide of all this mega-performance mayhem, Donovan walked silently out onto an empty stage, sat cross-legged on a cushion and played acoustic guitar. Nothing else – just him. And the audience was spellbound. That, my friends, is real power in action.
What they both have in common and demonstrated in spades was total self-acceptance and a level of comfort with their own authority that most of us can barely dream of. They show us the power of attraction versus control, a definition of power that has a naturally feminine feel. Rather than needing to engage in a fight or struggle, any opposition simply melted away in the face of that level of conviction and personal authority.
So how do you use this in your own life, rather than on the stage or on the page? Perhaps the best piece of advice I could give you comes from the promotional poster for the film The Godfather Part III, where the tagline ran “Real power cannot be given. It must be taken.” Whoever wrote that one was a genius, because it’s an absolute truth. Not in the sense that you need to come over all Mafiosi, but that no-one can invest a power in you that you are not willing to accept for yourself. If you’re waiting for someone else to shore up your sense of authority then you are coming from a powerless position. Until you accept the power of your own wisdom and talents, then no-one else is going to do it for you.
If you’re coming from a place of power that needs to exert control over others, then that’s a brittle and ultimately weak position. Spiritual power comes from an awareness of self and compassion for others. People of real power and authority don’t need to control circumstances or other people, knowing that defencelessness is the ultimate safety. If you’re comfortable with who you are and are not concerned with how you’re perceived, you’re not vulnerable to attack, even if it occurs, as your self-worth isn’t based on outside approval.
The poster-boy for this kind of effortless effectiveness must be Ghandi. After all, he turned the tables on an empire and changed the course of history with total non-violence and most of the time he did it lying down. Now that’s what I call style!
This week, take a look at your own definition of power. Is it tied up with controlling people or circumstances? What would it take for you to let that go? What would it take for you to believe in yourself enough to be comfortable with just being you? If a power struggle arises, take a deep breath and stand firmly in your truth. Don’t let anyone bully you and don’t try to browbeat anyone else either. If you’re strong in your power, you can afford to be generous and do the gracious thing. Where in your life might you need to claim your own power and stand up for what you believe in? Think of some role models for a feminine or more spiritual form of power that you’ve come across in your own life. What are the qualities in those people that you most admire? How could you begin to embody those qualities in your daily life?
Spiritual power isn’t a game where one person wins and another loses. As the comedienne, Lily Tomlin, has so aptly pointed out, “The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat”. In the new paradigm of power, win-win is possible because we all get to be who we truly are, without compromising ourselves or diminishing the power of another. The power of a person on purpose and in tune with themselves is a glorious thing to behold and a huge gift to the planet. The world doesn’t need any more shrinking violets – it needs everything you have to offer. How about letting that fabulous, powerful self of yours out to play?
Coach Fabulous is updated every Thursday at http://coachfabulous.blogspot.com. You can also use the link in the Favourite Sites section on the right. For alert emails on new postings, send a blank email to IAmFabulousCo@aol.com with 'Subscribe' in the title field.All material © 2006 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author. (Originally posted 7 Aug 06)
Showing posts with label Self-Acceptance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Self-Acceptance. Show all posts
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Sophie's Choice
Less is definitely more for I Am Fabulous this week, as a little too much of a good time was had by all at the opening of Soho House’s latest venture, High Road House. I would never have thought it possible to have too much champagne, but I did thoroughly enjoy the process of proving myself wrong. Even the very mention of the word has made me come over all delicate and fragile today. Clearly that won’t last for long and my love of the bubbly stuff will swiftly return, but in the meantime it’s dark glasses and comfort food to the ready as my body attempts to metabolise crates of the stuff.
I had a fine old time nosing around Chiswick’s latest media and luvvie haunt with my friend Sandra, sampling the food, checking out all the bars and even casting off our shoes to quality-test the velvet-lined chill-out room and the late-night vibe from the resident DJ. Perhaps a little less fizz as fuel might have been the wiser option, but who can be bothered with sagacity when the corks are a-popping?
Rule one for my post-party recovery routine is to be gentle with myself, so apart from the usual gallons of water and fizzy vitamins – an Australian trade secret for pesky hangovers – the order of the day is to spend it only with people you really like and then to veg out in front of some seriously rubbish TV so that nothing can even remotely tax the brain. I have to admit to going a bit upmarket with an old episode of Sex And The City today, but normally my weapon of choice for this affliction would be something as brain-numbingly appalling as Love Island.
Much as I loathe reality TV, this one is an armchair psychologist’s dream – and I’m only talking about Sophie Anderton, let alone any of the others. For the benefit of those of who have not been exposed to this show, it’s a thinly-veiled popularity contest between not particularly well-known people in the public eye – I just cannot bring myself to call them celebrities – under the guise of matching them up to see who will find love while they're cooped up together on a tropical island for a few weeks. This year’s crop is a motley crew of actors, dancers, singers and even relatives of famous people – proving that even a very tenuous link to fame is enough to get you on the box these days – with a Playboy centrefold and a nutter from Jackass thrown in for good measure.
In the self-appointed role of presiding over the madness is the model Sophie Anderton, who is the poster girl for insecurity, control issues and lack of self-esteem. Sometimes I have to watch the screen through my outstretched hands because I am wincing so painfully at what I’m witnessing. Here is an extraordinarily beautiful girl, with a very successful modelling career, who has battled addiction and come out on top, yet she is dissembling right before our eyes just because there’s a man in the picture. It’s a horrifying thing to watch someone send themselves into a complete tailspin of fear and self-doubt, especially when we can see so clearly how much of this drama is obviously a product of her own mind.
Her obsession with the former Boyzone singer, Shane, has taken on a fantasy life of its own, so much so that there’s an entire relationship going on in her head that has absolutely no foundation in reality. She analyses every action and reaction he has, to fuel her belief that the feelings are mutual, and comes up with conclusions that support that delusion. As Freud once said, “intelligence will be used in the service of the neurosis” and Sophie is demonstrating that for us in technicolour more and more each day. Watching her is cringeworthy, not because we want to judge or demean her for her behaviour, but because in our heart of hearts we all know we’ve been there at some time or another. We’ve all had a mad crush, misinterpreted a person’s signals or suddenly lost our confidence when we’ve met someone to whom we’re powerfully attracted. These circumstances are all symptomatic of a flaw in our own self-esteem, where it is based more on what others think of us than what we think of ourselves.
Sophie is reflecting back to us the truth that regardless of your accomplishments, talents or physical attractiveness, if your self-worth is based on external validation by other people’s reactions to you, then it is nothing but a house of cards that will collapse under the slightest touch. If there is a gaping hole at the heart of who you think you are, nothing from the outside will be enough to fill it and you will run around endlessly trying to get people to love you so that you can feel OK about yourself. The most painful part of this truth is the paradox that the compulsive behaviour to chase love is exactly what repels it.
You can watch that in action every night as this particular Sophie and Shane drama unfolds – the more she clutches at straws and tries to grab his attention, the more he withdraws from her. Neediness is never a good look on a man or a woman. Don’t be fooled into thinking this is a gender thing either. The same attraction-repulsion dynamic was being played out at the same time by another pair, Lee and Bianca, this time with the guy playing the needy role. Needless to say, that wasn’t a match made in heaven either.
If you take responsibility for building your own self-worth, then this kind of needy behaviour will simply fall away as you learn to validate yourself from the inside and not from external sources. This means seeing yourself and others as they are, not as idealised images, and learning to have a kind and loving internal dialogue. We’ve covered a lot of techniques for how to do this in past pieces, so here’s just a quick refresher:
· You are your own harshest critic, so learn to be gentle in the way you speak to yourself about your body, your talents, your behaviour and your accomplishments.
· Self-attack is never helpful. Seeing yourself clearly and compassionately is constructive. Using every little opportunity to belittle yourself is not. If another person attacks you angrily, do you feel like taking their suggestion on board? Remember that your inner self doesn’t react well to that kind of approach either.
· Focus on what you like about yourself, embrace it and then learn to be comfortable with loving that about yourself. The more you learn to like yourself, the more others will too. People who are relaxed with themselves are fun to be around and very attractive.
· Remember your successes on both the personal and professional levels and drink them in until you’re comfortable with feeling good about yourself. It’s tougher than you think to drop the socially-endorsed self-deprecating behaviour and learn to be completely OK with thinking well about who you are, so gathering evidence of past and current success will help.
· Most importantly, cut yourself some slack. This is not about fixing yourself or needing to improve yourself, it’s about remembering that you’re perfectly fine as you are and learning to accept that. That’s all you need do. Your self-worth is not based on the size of your thighs, it’s not about what you do for a living and it isn’t even related to who fancies you. It’s utterly and completely about how much compassion and acceptance you can have for yourself and how willing you are to know that you’re lovable without having to do, be or say anything in particular. Just you. You’re enough.
Finally, the mantra of the week, in honour of Sophie’s willingness to expose her deluded view of herself and her situation to us all is “I am willing to see things as they are”. Where in your life are you not seeing yourself clearly – and, let me remind you again, do not use this as an opportunity for self-attack, but rather to look at yourself lovingly and objectively – or not seeing someone or something else clearly? Is there a situation where your desire for a particular outcome is clouding your judgement? If you were really willing to see the truth about it, what would that mean? Are you deluding yourself in some way – either by going into fantasy about someone else or not paying attention to the reality of what you have to offer?
Remember that external validation is fun and uplifting – who doesn’t love a compliment? – but that’s not a healthy foundation for your self-worth. It needs to rest on the rock of your own self-love and self-acceptance. Be compassionate with yourself as you notice how much you might be seeking approval from others and spare a kind thought for Sophie as you do. Like the rest of us, she’s doing the best she can with the self-awareness that she has, and is helping us all to see how our unhealed places of self-judgement can cause us so much pain. When we can see ourselves clearly, without attack, half the battle is already done. When awareness dawns, healing is never far behind.
Coach Fabulous is updated every Thursday at http://coachfabulous.blogspot.com. You can also use the link in the Favourite Sites section on the right. For alert emails on new postings, send a blank email to IAmFabulousCo@aol.com with 'Subscribe' in the title field. All material © 2006 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author. (Originally posted 24 Jul 06)
Less is definitely more for I Am Fabulous this week, as a little too much of a good time was had by all at the opening of Soho House’s latest venture, High Road House. I would never have thought it possible to have too much champagne, but I did thoroughly enjoy the process of proving myself wrong. Even the very mention of the word has made me come over all delicate and fragile today. Clearly that won’t last for long and my love of the bubbly stuff will swiftly return, but in the meantime it’s dark glasses and comfort food to the ready as my body attempts to metabolise crates of the stuff.
I had a fine old time nosing around Chiswick’s latest media and luvvie haunt with my friend Sandra, sampling the food, checking out all the bars and even casting off our shoes to quality-test the velvet-lined chill-out room and the late-night vibe from the resident DJ. Perhaps a little less fizz as fuel might have been the wiser option, but who can be bothered with sagacity when the corks are a-popping?
Rule one for my post-party recovery routine is to be gentle with myself, so apart from the usual gallons of water and fizzy vitamins – an Australian trade secret for pesky hangovers – the order of the day is to spend it only with people you really like and then to veg out in front of some seriously rubbish TV so that nothing can even remotely tax the brain. I have to admit to going a bit upmarket with an old episode of Sex And The City today, but normally my weapon of choice for this affliction would be something as brain-numbingly appalling as Love Island.
Much as I loathe reality TV, this one is an armchair psychologist’s dream – and I’m only talking about Sophie Anderton, let alone any of the others. For the benefit of those of who have not been exposed to this show, it’s a thinly-veiled popularity contest between not particularly well-known people in the public eye – I just cannot bring myself to call them celebrities – under the guise of matching them up to see who will find love while they're cooped up together on a tropical island for a few weeks. This year’s crop is a motley crew of actors, dancers, singers and even relatives of famous people – proving that even a very tenuous link to fame is enough to get you on the box these days – with a Playboy centrefold and a nutter from Jackass thrown in for good measure.
In the self-appointed role of presiding over the madness is the model Sophie Anderton, who is the poster girl for insecurity, control issues and lack of self-esteem. Sometimes I have to watch the screen through my outstretched hands because I am wincing so painfully at what I’m witnessing. Here is an extraordinarily beautiful girl, with a very successful modelling career, who has battled addiction and come out on top, yet she is dissembling right before our eyes just because there’s a man in the picture. It’s a horrifying thing to watch someone send themselves into a complete tailspin of fear and self-doubt, especially when we can see so clearly how much of this drama is obviously a product of her own mind.
Her obsession with the former Boyzone singer, Shane, has taken on a fantasy life of its own, so much so that there’s an entire relationship going on in her head that has absolutely no foundation in reality. She analyses every action and reaction he has, to fuel her belief that the feelings are mutual, and comes up with conclusions that support that delusion. As Freud once said, “intelligence will be used in the service of the neurosis” and Sophie is demonstrating that for us in technicolour more and more each day. Watching her is cringeworthy, not because we want to judge or demean her for her behaviour, but because in our heart of hearts we all know we’ve been there at some time or another. We’ve all had a mad crush, misinterpreted a person’s signals or suddenly lost our confidence when we’ve met someone to whom we’re powerfully attracted. These circumstances are all symptomatic of a flaw in our own self-esteem, where it is based more on what others think of us than what we think of ourselves.
Sophie is reflecting back to us the truth that regardless of your accomplishments, talents or physical attractiveness, if your self-worth is based on external validation by other people’s reactions to you, then it is nothing but a house of cards that will collapse under the slightest touch. If there is a gaping hole at the heart of who you think you are, nothing from the outside will be enough to fill it and you will run around endlessly trying to get people to love you so that you can feel OK about yourself. The most painful part of this truth is the paradox that the compulsive behaviour to chase love is exactly what repels it.
You can watch that in action every night as this particular Sophie and Shane drama unfolds – the more she clutches at straws and tries to grab his attention, the more he withdraws from her. Neediness is never a good look on a man or a woman. Don’t be fooled into thinking this is a gender thing either. The same attraction-repulsion dynamic was being played out at the same time by another pair, Lee and Bianca, this time with the guy playing the needy role. Needless to say, that wasn’t a match made in heaven either.
If you take responsibility for building your own self-worth, then this kind of needy behaviour will simply fall away as you learn to validate yourself from the inside and not from external sources. This means seeing yourself and others as they are, not as idealised images, and learning to have a kind and loving internal dialogue. We’ve covered a lot of techniques for how to do this in past pieces, so here’s just a quick refresher:
· You are your own harshest critic, so learn to be gentle in the way you speak to yourself about your body, your talents, your behaviour and your accomplishments.
· Self-attack is never helpful. Seeing yourself clearly and compassionately is constructive. Using every little opportunity to belittle yourself is not. If another person attacks you angrily, do you feel like taking their suggestion on board? Remember that your inner self doesn’t react well to that kind of approach either.
· Focus on what you like about yourself, embrace it and then learn to be comfortable with loving that about yourself. The more you learn to like yourself, the more others will too. People who are relaxed with themselves are fun to be around and very attractive.
· Remember your successes on both the personal and professional levels and drink them in until you’re comfortable with feeling good about yourself. It’s tougher than you think to drop the socially-endorsed self-deprecating behaviour and learn to be completely OK with thinking well about who you are, so gathering evidence of past and current success will help.
· Most importantly, cut yourself some slack. This is not about fixing yourself or needing to improve yourself, it’s about remembering that you’re perfectly fine as you are and learning to accept that. That’s all you need do. Your self-worth is not based on the size of your thighs, it’s not about what you do for a living and it isn’t even related to who fancies you. It’s utterly and completely about how much compassion and acceptance you can have for yourself and how willing you are to know that you’re lovable without having to do, be or say anything in particular. Just you. You’re enough.
Finally, the mantra of the week, in honour of Sophie’s willingness to expose her deluded view of herself and her situation to us all is “I am willing to see things as they are”. Where in your life are you not seeing yourself clearly – and, let me remind you again, do not use this as an opportunity for self-attack, but rather to look at yourself lovingly and objectively – or not seeing someone or something else clearly? Is there a situation where your desire for a particular outcome is clouding your judgement? If you were really willing to see the truth about it, what would that mean? Are you deluding yourself in some way – either by going into fantasy about someone else or not paying attention to the reality of what you have to offer?
Remember that external validation is fun and uplifting – who doesn’t love a compliment? – but that’s not a healthy foundation for your self-worth. It needs to rest on the rock of your own self-love and self-acceptance. Be compassionate with yourself as you notice how much you might be seeking approval from others and spare a kind thought for Sophie as you do. Like the rest of us, she’s doing the best she can with the self-awareness that she has, and is helping us all to see how our unhealed places of self-judgement can cause us so much pain. When we can see ourselves clearly, without attack, half the battle is already done. When awareness dawns, healing is never far behind.
Coach Fabulous is updated every Thursday at http://coachfabulous.blogspot.com. You can also use the link in the Favourite Sites section on the right. For alert emails on new postings, send a blank email to IAmFabulousCo@aol.com with 'Subscribe' in the title field. All material © 2006 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author. (Originally posted 24 Jul 06)
The Year Of Living Passionately
This year, in the spirit of fabulousness, we are letting go of punishing New Year’s resolutions and choosing to dedicate ourselves to delight. Let 2006 be a year of joy, clarity and positive choices that reflect who you really are.
When New Year’s Eve rolls around, it brings a powerful opportunity to create focus and attention for the year to come - and to celebrate and release all that the past year has brought. Before you pop the champagne cork, take a few moments to look within and set the intention for your fabulous self to take centre stage next year.
This can be as simple or as splendid a process as you’re willing to create, so you can either go the minimalist route and just take some quiet time or go the whole hog and make it a complete celebration. For a fully fabulous effect, set the scene by taking the phone off the hook, lighting candles, playing mellow music and filling the air with your favourite scent. Get together some fun, frivolous music for the finale and have a pen and paper to hand. The final essential for a total blast is a glass of fizz to seal the ritual.
So get quiet, breathe deeply and start to pay attention to your memories of the year that’s now passing. First on the agenda is a sweeping overview from the highest perspective. What were the highlights? What were you doing and who were you with when you had your best times of 2005? When did you feel the most energised, expressive and totally you? What were the top three fabulous things you did, felt and created? Who were you close to and who were the great new people who came into your life? Really pay attention here. The joys of last year are the building blocks for the year to come. If you don’t take time to celebrate them, they’ll pass by without giving up their gifts. It’s like getting presents but not bothering to unwrap them. What was really fabulous for you in 2005 that you haven’t really acknowledged?
Now that you’ve felt the joys, it’s time to let go of a few things that no longer serve you and say a final farewell to the people and things that have left your life in the past year. What are you willing to leave behind you as you face the new year? Look carefully – what choices or attitudes held you back, affected your relationships or blocked your self-expression? Are there circumstances or relationships that it’s time to release? Is there someone you need to forgive or is it simply yourself that you need to give a break to? These insights don’t need to be painful, just purely true and purposeful. The aim is to see clearly, be accepting of yourself and others, and let go. Knowledge is power – if you are willing to see the root of your own self-sabotage, you can do something about it. Remember, the definition of madness is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.
At last, the really creative bit: what are you ready to accept for yourself in the new year? Get excited, get passionate and have no limits. Go for what you’re willing to create, not what you think you can have. Who do you want to be physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually? What would your life look like if you were really willing to be your fabulous self? Who would you spend your time with and what would you be doing? What is it that you would just love to be, do or feel? The key word here is love. There will be no list of resolutions, just choices for love and passion: things you love to do, people you love to see. What are they and who are they? Where are you going to devote your energy this year? Go wild and go for the most authentic future you can possibly envision.
Anything is possible as long as you are willing to choose it and genuinely commit to it. My friend Charlotte told me about a fabulous choice she made one year: to spend at least one weekend a month abroad. Not only that, but she actually did it. Now that’s inspirational!
We’re on the final stretch now. Look at all your fab choices for the year to come and pick your top three. You can have more if you like, but we are not in resolution territory here, so just pick the ones you know you really want and will really commit to making a reality. Breathe them in, see them happening, feel how it would feel to live them and say a total inner ‘yes’ to having them come true. You’re not hoping or wishing, you’re accepting them into your life as utter fact. See yourself making the small choices along the way that will bring these bigger choices to fruition. Know that it’s your willingness to believe in your own fabulousness and take action to support it that will make the coming year different to any other.
Now crack the bubbly, crank up the music and celebrate just how fabulous you are going to be in 2006! If you have any lingering doubts, heed the wisdom of Dawna Markova, author of I Will Not Die An Unlived Life, who says “I’m coming to understand that there is no such thing as finding one’s purpose. It’s about creating the conditions, for six months or six minutes, where your purpose can find you. It’s not about asking what is the meaning of life, but rather asking what your life means. It’s being willing to receive the truth of what you hear.” So listen, choose and commit. This is the path to true fabulousness.
For alert emails on new postings, with added inspirations and confidence tips, send a blank email to IAmFabulousCo@aol.com with 'Subscribe' in the title field.
All material © 2005 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author. (Originally posted 27 Dec 05)
This year, in the spirit of fabulousness, we are letting go of punishing New Year’s resolutions and choosing to dedicate ourselves to delight. Let 2006 be a year of joy, clarity and positive choices that reflect who you really are.
When New Year’s Eve rolls around, it brings a powerful opportunity to create focus and attention for the year to come - and to celebrate and release all that the past year has brought. Before you pop the champagne cork, take a few moments to look within and set the intention for your fabulous self to take centre stage next year.
This can be as simple or as splendid a process as you’re willing to create, so you can either go the minimalist route and just take some quiet time or go the whole hog and make it a complete celebration. For a fully fabulous effect, set the scene by taking the phone off the hook, lighting candles, playing mellow music and filling the air with your favourite scent. Get together some fun, frivolous music for the finale and have a pen and paper to hand. The final essential for a total blast is a glass of fizz to seal the ritual.
So get quiet, breathe deeply and start to pay attention to your memories of the year that’s now passing. First on the agenda is a sweeping overview from the highest perspective. What were the highlights? What were you doing and who were you with when you had your best times of 2005? When did you feel the most energised, expressive and totally you? What were the top three fabulous things you did, felt and created? Who were you close to and who were the great new people who came into your life? Really pay attention here. The joys of last year are the building blocks for the year to come. If you don’t take time to celebrate them, they’ll pass by without giving up their gifts. It’s like getting presents but not bothering to unwrap them. What was really fabulous for you in 2005 that you haven’t really acknowledged?
Now that you’ve felt the joys, it’s time to let go of a few things that no longer serve you and say a final farewell to the people and things that have left your life in the past year. What are you willing to leave behind you as you face the new year? Look carefully – what choices or attitudes held you back, affected your relationships or blocked your self-expression? Are there circumstances or relationships that it’s time to release? Is there someone you need to forgive or is it simply yourself that you need to give a break to? These insights don’t need to be painful, just purely true and purposeful. The aim is to see clearly, be accepting of yourself and others, and let go. Knowledge is power – if you are willing to see the root of your own self-sabotage, you can do something about it. Remember, the definition of madness is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.
At last, the really creative bit: what are you ready to accept for yourself in the new year? Get excited, get passionate and have no limits. Go for what you’re willing to create, not what you think you can have. Who do you want to be physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually? What would your life look like if you were really willing to be your fabulous self? Who would you spend your time with and what would you be doing? What is it that you would just love to be, do or feel? The key word here is love. There will be no list of resolutions, just choices for love and passion: things you love to do, people you love to see. What are they and who are they? Where are you going to devote your energy this year? Go wild and go for the most authentic future you can possibly envision.
Anything is possible as long as you are willing to choose it and genuinely commit to it. My friend Charlotte told me about a fabulous choice she made one year: to spend at least one weekend a month abroad. Not only that, but she actually did it. Now that’s inspirational!
We’re on the final stretch now. Look at all your fab choices for the year to come and pick your top three. You can have more if you like, but we are not in resolution territory here, so just pick the ones you know you really want and will really commit to making a reality. Breathe them in, see them happening, feel how it would feel to live them and say a total inner ‘yes’ to having them come true. You’re not hoping or wishing, you’re accepting them into your life as utter fact. See yourself making the small choices along the way that will bring these bigger choices to fruition. Know that it’s your willingness to believe in your own fabulousness and take action to support it that will make the coming year different to any other.
Now crack the bubbly, crank up the music and celebrate just how fabulous you are going to be in 2006! If you have any lingering doubts, heed the wisdom of Dawna Markova, author of I Will Not Die An Unlived Life, who says “I’m coming to understand that there is no such thing as finding one’s purpose. It’s about creating the conditions, for six months or six minutes, where your purpose can find you. It’s not about asking what is the meaning of life, but rather asking what your life means. It’s being willing to receive the truth of what you hear.” So listen, choose and commit. This is the path to true fabulousness.
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All material © 2005 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author. (Originally posted 27 Dec 05)
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