Radical Acceptance

Fabulousness comes from being exactly who you are. Being relaxed and comfortable with yourself creates an inner radiance that is highly attractive. It's not about the clothes you wear - although God knows that helps - it's about the essence of you that you're willing to let shine.

Real confidence can never come from anyone or anything outside yourself. At best, they're a temporary fix. At worst, we start to believe that how we look is who we are. The growing trend for plastic surgery is a sign that we are so mis-identified with how we appear that it has become our total reality. We have forgotten that our beauty comes from our authenticity and that the clothes and the makeup are the icing, not the cake.

In A Woman's Worth, Marianne Williamson writes that "Beauty is an internal light, a spiritual radiance that all women have, but which most women hide, unconsciously denying its existence. What we do not claim remains invisible."

The road to reclaiming genuine beauty and confidence begins with radical acceptance of who you are. It's radical because it's total, unstinting, gutsy acceptance of everything you like and dislike about yourself. We're as frightened by our talents as by our failings and we're all trying to meet some mythical standard of perfection that is, in reality, unachievable. So, take a deep breath, let yourself off the hamster wheel and just stop trying. It's very liberating!

That doesn't mean not taking care of yourself or not enjoying looking good, it means quieting the shrill voice of criticism in your head and giving yourself a break. We all have bad hair days, make mistakes, are less than kind, and generally stuff up. It's no biggie.

Just letting go of those expectations of perfection will create some space for you to be the quirky, fun and fabulous person you actually are, not a carbon copy of someone else's ideal. We are all drawn to people with their own sense of style and way of being in the world. We find them fascinating, and they are. So are you, if you're willing to let your true self see the light of day.

Finding that true self means breaking out of the limiting roles and options you've given yourself, that fail to express who you really are. Lasting change comes only from looking inward. Of our inner life, Marianne says, "Here, we are our real selves, while in the outer world we are impostors. We're not sure why we're posing, except we have no clue how not to. We have forgotten the part we came here to play. We have lost the key to our own house."

It's time to reclaim the truth of who you are and a quick dose of 'I Am Fabulous' - enough to make you laugh - is a very fine place to start. It's your inner life that gives you the juice to make your outer life a full and rich reflection of who you really are. Make some space to stop and say 'I Am Fabulous' and really breathe that in. When that critical voice rises up, say it again. You're just too fabulous to care!

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All material © 2005 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author. (Originally posted 15 Nov 05)